Fear to Freedom: Overcome Social Anxiety & Embrace Lasting Confidence

you are listening to the Beyond The High Road podcast with Shelby Milford episode number 55 stay tuned welcome to be on the high road hey guys before I get started I just want to make two Quicky Quicky announcements and that is one is October 28th I'm going to be doing another asks me anything and so just so you guys know um give you a little bit more information on that it's not just ask me anything about the programs that I offer okay I mean yeah you can ask those questions too and I'm happy to give them to you but really this is a service that I am providing to you for free it's basically like if you wanted some free help and support on any issue that you're currently facing that you need

you feel like you need some more personal Direction on I help you with that there the last couple times I've done it has been just in the Facebook group the private Facebook group and you will still be able to do that you can just show up and type your question or whatever that you have into the comments on the private Facebook group but if you want to come on and be face to face and you want like some more personalized attention and maybe like a little bit of coaching or want to personally ask me any thoughts that I have about your specific situation any any area that you feel stuck on I'm going to also hold it on Zoom so because I don't want to just hand out the zoom link over you know

this and make that public you're going to go to beyondthe high.com backs slash ask me anything okay and just register for it okay I'm not going to send you a bunch of spam nothing's going to happen except for the fact that you will get access to the that ask me anything session okay so beyond the.com back slash ask me anything the other thing is is before I get started I I announce it at the end too is I have a freebie for you guys I think this is one that I will keep up like for a while it's a resource that I think you guys can use it's for if you're in a depression going through something like alienation where you feel like you're in the depths of your grease

and you don't feel motivated you feel like [ __ ] basically it's five things that you can do in under five minutes that will cause you to feel better now okay feel better in the moment they are quick fixes if you will but things that help you to to get back on your feet okay five things in under five minutes that you can do actions you can take okay so you can get that by going to beyondthe high road.com backf better now okay so now we get on to the episode I lied one more thing also if you have been really wanting to do coaching and you like one-on-one coaching and you feel like I don't have the money right now or I'm wanting to save up in order to do that I just started taking

afterpay like on my my website uh this past week so you guys can split it up into multiple payments if you want so that's a new addition so just more options for help to be accessible for you guys okay and I also do like payment plans but you'd have to we'd have to set those up it's separate like the after pay you can just go and just do it okay and that is all now we get on with the session okay well hello my lovely parents today we're going to be talking about social anxiety and the reason why I wanted to bring this up I mean it's probably pretty obvious but we I mean this is something that we I know many if not all of us struggle with on a very regular basis year round also because of

the holidays approaching during this time emotions seem to be heightened and lots of holiday parties are coming maybe also workplace parties just more events are going on and what does that mean of course we get more and more anxious as the invites start rolling in and we're reminded that our children are not home with us for these holidays we see Facebook posts Instagram posts where our family members and maybe friends that we were once close with are celebrating their happy lovely lives with all of their children and you know how the story goes this is a time where many of you want to crawl into your shells and stay there until January 1 right so I wanted to talk about why that is I think

it's always as with anything it's so important that we understand it and then relate it to our our own patterns our own behaviors and then understand those on a more personal level in order to let go if we want to of this Behavior you know you hear me say and I'm sure you hear it from others in your life or whatever articles you're reading how important it is for humans to feel a sense of like genuine connection and then when we're going through periods of grief and really Devastation a sense of connection is so so so much more important in order to heal we need to feel supported by others we need to know that there are other people in our Corner social anxiety doesn't exactly

work to our benefit in in any way really but retracting from society and staying hidden our brains will tell us is the answer right I just won't socialize I can just stay by myself I'll just stay here in my house put my head down and go to work and then come home and it's fine here I'm happy here comfy right it is a much easier way it's a much more familiar more predictable way to approach your everyday life but it's not healthy and I know you know that so I want to talk about why we do it to start off with and I'm going to also like sort of inweave my own personal experience throughout and hopefully it'll all make sense for me you know if you've listened to the the

show at all before you have likely heard my stories about um me living up in the hill and being in a yearslong clinical depression it was sad it was really I look back on it now and I can without a doubt say that it was pitiful I was hurting a lot I wanted nothing to do with going to anything social whether that was running into somebody at the grocery store picking up the phone for close family I wanted know part of any of it I at one point was a Hermit on the hill I was the hermit on the hill in Texas and I consider the degree of isolation that I went to to be somewhat SE severe is I mean I really I went for months and months before the pandemic ever hit where I did not see or

speak to people I would hand feed the deer in my yard and I had herds follow me through the hills in Texas as I took my dogs on their daily walk they would follow me in single file fashion all these deer and that's what I did I was the crazy deer lady up in the hills but just a few years before that I thrived on social interaction to the point where actually where I was working at the time you guys have heard me talk about I was in the fitness field for many years and the last job that I held at a place at a gym was at a Lifetime Fitness in the same planned sort of community that I lived in and it was a very big gym the attendance was very high because it was

a I I was the opening crew for this new lifetime that was just the reason I'm telling you this is because it's two extremes so taught 18 classes a week anywhere from 25 class goers you know in like the weekday mornings depending on what time I was doing to over a hundred people in class and you would in order for people to work out they would come up these stairs and at the stairs they were met with a big glass wall and behind that that was me teaching CL a class of 80 to 100 people all of these people would come up and that would was the first thing that they really saw when they came into the to the gym and I say that because at the time you know I had a mic pack on and everybody could

hear me and I had no fear whatsoever of the social interaction or the exposure to lots of people I did not ever think about am I going to screw up well maybe I did in the early days but I quickly got over that and there was not the same fear that I did develop following the character assassination and all the things that would get progressively worse later I I thrived around people I loved working for that gym and teaching the classes that I did the amount of people that I touched and interacted with on a daily basis it was like a drug of course I liked my job of course I felt like I was on top of the world because for me I was getting all of this external validation and that was a

blessing in a curse at the time I felt like I was indestructible like I was on the top of the world and look of course I'm a good mom these people see me at the time I had my my daughter 90% of the time even more than that and so I had no other choice but to bring my daughter to work with me and she was downstairs in the child care department and in between classes I would go down and I would grab her and we would play on the carpet in the cafe and wherever in between my classes and so I was always being given oh look at you guys you're such a good mom I was surrounded by supporters if you will that validated my every move and my role as a mom as a role in the

community even when I made mistakes I knew that I was still like my positive results were outweighing the little mistakes that I would make but when the heat came on from my ex and his wife the more aggressive they got with their efforts the more pressure I felt and the more that I was tripping up and the more than that I would Retreat I began to doubt myself I didn't want to hear the noise the chatter in my brain and so I tell the story because I hope that you guys can maybe you guys didn't all teach group exercise classes but maybe you guys can apply this to your own stories and and see maybe how you might have also felt the same with the constant persecution and character assassination

that you might have experienced going through something like alienation the degrading and the micromanaging and the you know just the ugliness that comes from that side it is unless you are taught how to manage your mind effectively as a child or before alienation takes place it's 100% understandable that you would find yourself in a place where you retracted from your community and from society right so many of us pull away and start to self-isolate the more that our dirty laundry if you will is spread throughout via the person who's alienating your child from you so I'm going to switch gears for just a minute now and go over and explain what I think happens as

humans when we are fearing the social interaction as a result of going through something like alienation and then I'll revisit that story in a minute as humans We Fear The Big Three biggest fears that I can think of are the fear of death the fear of public speaking and the fear of being alone being abandoned right these are like the top three for most people many people I don't know I haven't looked up statistics I was just thinking about it this morning before hitting record on this and when you really think about it all three of these fears really boil down to the one fear the fear of dying right the fear of public speaking if we're in front of a crowd and we

screw up then we will be publicly humiliated which means that we will be singled out and we'll be alone and when we're alone which is the other fear that I was talking about there's no support for us and having no support in our emotional and survival brain means that we are going to wither way and die right so it all boils down to this we're going to die right I want to take that I think a step further none of us are really truly I can't say none of us but most of us not aren't really truly afraid of dying so much as we're afraid of our own stories ending our own beliefs our whole belief system crumbling and so telling you my story about how I I truly believed that

I was a good mom and that I was a positive influence on people I had all these other people to back that story up I was on top of the world I really felt like I was on top of the world I felt impowered powerful needed necessary purposed and I found lots of joy and I was very bub it was easy for me to be bubbly and be a a leader right and have it come to me naturally because I had all of this external validation very easy for me to feel like that but the less validation I had from others because I was separating myself and the more that I heard my ex in my ear the person that was trying to alienate my child from me of course I retracted and started to feel entirely anxious around

social settings it makes sense it all boils down to if the beliefs that I have about myself are not true then what have I been doing my whole life and did it not have any meaning and if this story is not true that I've been holding up until now what is true and so your whole reality feels very shaky very fragile and this is it feels life altering it feels like it's devastating it feels like when we're already effectively alienated from our children our world seems like it's cracked open right and we're hanging on to one of the ledges to take it away from alienation think about like Tom Brady or another person who's played sports for a long time Tom Brady

every time he would retire he came right back in it's because he defined himself by being a a football player this was what he knew and so each time he would retire he probably I don't know but I can only assume that he felt like he had no idea who he was his life had no more meaning that makes sense so much so that he was willing to again speculating here but uh risk his marriage his whole marriage as a result of it I don't know who I am without being Star Quarterback on a football tea so he went back and back and back this is what defined him think about people who were in the service I don't uh dare to say that I understand what they're actually going through but I can definitely say from

the outside that veterans that have been injured get on overly discharged and for the rest of their lives they go through depression specifically because they don't know who they are without being an active officer or a musician a Pianist injures their hands and cannot play the piano anymore this is devastating their whole world and how they defined themselves up until now their entire lives was through this craft or this activity profession that they had right and when that is gone one that is pulled away from them then they truly it's like having an existential crisis it's like what am I even here for that if I'm not that I've been this for my entire life

then who am I and why am I even here when it comes to us with alienation when your role as a parent is put into question when you are being told that the one thing that you maybe the one thing that you defined yourself as is your child or your children this is devastating it makes so much sense that you would feel the way that you do and feel singled out right this is the one role in your life arguably a a human's most important role that they will play is parenting their child and so when your job is in question when your performance is in question it can cause you to question your worth so that is why like for me when my parents would call anybody would call me on the phone especially the

people that knew me the people that didn't know me I was fine being around going to a I mean I didn't love it but going to an event with strangers wasn't awful for me most of the time um at the height of my social anxiety everything was a problem but from leading up to it and after my real struggle was with people that knew me and that is because the reason I'm speaking about me is because I'm assuming that this is the same with you is I didn't know it then but now looking back I know that that is because picking up the phone for my parents or for my close family or going to uh events I was going to have to address my own story about myself and I it was such a fragile one at that point

I still was hanging on for dear life to the story that I am a mother and a good mother a valuable asset to my daughter's life um that my life had purpose and meaning because of my role as a mom and when I had to confront that I wouldn't be actively moming the way that I did this was very difficult for me to to look at and so answering the phone speaking to my parents sometimes was too much for me I wasn't ready to address it but looking back on it now I realize and this is when the healing began for me is that I was trying to put off the inevitable just like I probably used this analogy before it's like trying to hold a you know a blown up beach ball underwater it took an extraordinary

amount of effort to keep this ball underneath the water and tried to avoid it or deny that it was happening I spent my days in the dull Drums of depression and staring at the prices right on TV and and soap operas doing anything I could to pretend like real life wasn't happening this is took so much energy on my part and then I would often spend you know my afternoons and evenings in the parental alienation like the Facebook groups and the Reddit forum and so I was surrounding myself with my predicament of alienation anyway I just wasn't acknowledging that I was doing it in fact the way that uh we do it if you do this too the way that we do it by going into those groups and going into Reddit

whatever is so much less healthy than actually talking to the close family members and going to the events right because and behind the screen well you know why behind the screen we're not actually connecting maybe if you're on Zoom you're connecting but just writing back and forth isn't the same quality of connection and communication that it is when you release oxytocin serotonin and all the feelg goods from connecting in person with family members and allowing the pain to be present and acknowledging it right I don't want to go all the way down that rabbit hole but I do want to just acknowledge that social anxiety is pointing to something deeper and really

what that is is our own self-image and our own story about ourselves I I mean I cannot think of a situation of social anxiety that that isn't the root cause of it that self-image or the fear of a story being obliterated isn't the root cause it always is when we're feeling when we're anxious to be around others it's because we don't want to acknowledge change in ourselves or be faced with the possibility that others don't also hold the same story about ourselves the same positive view of who we are if our identity is in question it's um it can feel catastrophic it can feel like our world is ending like we're going to die but here's the good news is that logically when you think about it

other people's stories about you don't actually say anything about you at all at all other people's stories say everything about them and what has happened in their life up until this point they hear like bits and pieces of your story that they've heard through the Great Vine right or maybe even the little bits that you've told them little blurbs that you've told them human nature is to take those blurbs and for the parts that they don't know they make up their own story based on their own experiences so people are really only always thinking about them they they're going to believe what they want to believe about you based on what works for their narrative and what's going to

they think that is going to benefit them in the long run now they may not think it like this on a conscious level but this is truly what is happening so for instance I talked about this and I shared this with you in in one of the episodes where I um it was the the fear of being judged episode it was early on one of the first maybe episode four I think so fear being judged persecuted that one that's a good episode to pair with this today because when it boils down to it this social anxiety is a fear of being judged and then being singled out and being you know then dying right or story dying but before alienation ever started in my world I had a friend and I'll let you listen to to that story

in in episode I think it's four but I passed judgment on somebody that was a new friend of mine now I'm still friends with her that was going through this she didn't label it as this but this was truly what was happening with her and I judged her I didn't understand it I feared it is what it was in the end I think I've always sort of I don't want to say I prided myself on it but I've always been a one that wants to understand other people I think all of us as alienated parents are this way we really truly want to understand and help other people to make excuses for their lives really we're going to boil it down to that's truly what it is is we want we we're codependent so my natural

inclination is not usually to jump to judgment unless I fear something and and the case of my friend I had just split from my ex my daughter's father and [ __ ] up stuff was already starting to happen so of course I did not even like on a conscious level ever think that it would get to wor she was at her level and definitely didn't think it was going to surpass like it did but at some level I had a fear of it and so I faulted her and the reason I tell you that is that when you're faced with other people like you're fearing the Judgment by them just remember too that many people don't want to acknowledge that alienation is a thing because if they do then they have

to confront their own beliefs and their own story about themselves okay so that is so I think for me so helpful to to to recognize remember in a situation where somebody reacts poorly to anything I might have shared or somebody else might have shared with them okay everybody's always thinking about themselves that's basically what it is but when it comes to alienation especially people are so want to stay in that judgment persecution place because it feels protective in the moment so other people are going to have their opinions and it's entirely based on the narrative that works for them almost entirely based some people are using their higher thinking much more than others but on

the whole other people's stories are their stories and it's very helpful to in the moment when you're going to be in a situation like that to remind yourself of that this isn't about me their thoughts about me are already probably predetermined or they've already made up if they if they know you they've already made up what they're going to want to believe about it okay and also like I was talking about before my positive self-image that I previous ly had was entirely based on a very fragile external circumstance of the audience if you will that I had at the time and those people the more that that audience went away and tripled away as I retracted the less that I held that

positive self-image it was entirely dependent on those other people but when I started to build myself up inside and truly understood and decided on purpose who I wanted to be because of my values of my vision for my life then other people's opinions became much less significant and necessary in order for me to feel good about myself right and so I think that that's truly a gift that we as alienated parents are all sort of forced into to receiving if you choose it you can if you want really truly build yourself up in a way that most people people never have the opportunity or never faced with having to do so I I that's why I believe that people that have gone through the

immense amount of grief that we have have so much texture and substance to us the way that I interact with and connect with people will never ever be the same I mean that in a good way there is just so much more character in those of us who have suffered so I guess basically what I'm saying here is that learning to base your self-image entirely on your own idea and conscious making of yourself instead of relying on other people to build up your outside exposure therapy doing little things if you've got a holiday party or maybe you want to be a motivational speaker after going through what you've gone through but you're absolutely terrified of getting up in front of

people right because it means death it means the end of the story you questioning your story about yourself how do you get from where you are now where you are uh a Hermit maybe like me to there right it seems impossible like there is a sea of hurdles to to jump over before you get to where you want to be right exposure therapy for instance if you are fearful that you are going to be publicly humiliated of screwing up and making a fool of yourself or questioned if you for public speaking this is something for me is that if I go in front of people and I've shared with you guys on just last week or the week before too um when I get in front of a live group of people like I'm fine when

I'm recording something but in front of a bunch of people I all of a sudden shut down and get really weird and start second guessing myself in my head and I'm listening to the chatter about random stuff as opposed to being present and being able to deliver my message I don't think that going through what we've gone through that you it it's possible to not have this chatter go on but if you want to be a public speaker or if you even just want to get over this fear that you have the social anxiety there's a voice in your head that's in all as humans in all of our heads that's like the impostor syndrome sort of voice you're going to be found out you're going to be looked at as a

fraud you're going to be embarrassed in the case of being a public speaker or doing something for a living in front of people you're supposed to be an expert in your field and you're going to make an ass of yourself and people are going to question your knowledge and your ability to be a leader and to be an expert in whatever field that you want to be in right so you're going to look like an idiot basically and then you're going to be alone and then you're going to die and you're going to have to question your own identity so if that sounds like you then what I've done for myself and what I've shared with other parents is to do tiny little tasks in front of

people where there are no Stakes the stakes are not high like for instance a gas station going to the gas station and on purpose making a stupid mistake where you know you'll kind of look like a [ __ ] but it doesn't really matter because you don't know the person that's on the other end like you give them the wrong amount of money or you give them the wrong card or you asked to do an immediate return you're like oops I didn't really mean to buy this I don't know what I was thinking I was just nervous so kind of like making an ass of yourself on purpose set yourself up for a win in the long run because the more experiences you have like this the more exposure to kind of public

fuckups the the more that your brain is going to believe that you can overcome these things you walk out of the gas station after making a butt of yourself right and you're like oh all right I did that I didn't die I'm okay I'm still here off to the next thing and so your brain will use that as evidence for the next thing that you go to do and then the next thing and the next thing okay progressively more dangerous risky things that you know that you can conquer that you can use its evidence for the bigger thing later right the public speaking event in the case of going to parties right or family gatherings that you have I think remembering what I was what we were just

talking about with um everybody's story is is really about themselves is very helpful but also to already believe and know that nobody can take away your story that you are a parent no matter what and when we compare ourselves and put ourselves as they're a good parent I'm looked at as I'm not a good parent or I thought I was a good parent but now that's in question this whole good bad thing like one side of the spectrum and the other causes you to if there's a if you were a good parent then there is a chance of being a bad parent if you're a bad parent then you could be striving always to be this good parent this self-comparison and also comparison to others so instead it's just call

yourself a parent I'm a parent in fact I know that I am the parent that my child was supposed to have and this is something that cannot be questioned it's a fact it's true and so when you live into and begin loving that story alone and not that you need a label on top of that or next to in front of parent it can be very freeing I am a parent I'm a parent who is currently living apart from my children and I love my children I'm a parent when you live into that story and just bring that with you as a opposed to all the adjectives and all of the drama that you are you all we all do allow ourselves to be sucked into right then you're going to get in front of somebody

and want to compare yourself to them want to you're thinking that they're comparing you to a better model of you know Parenthood and that's when the chatter starts so instead I'm a parent I'm a parent and I am the parent that my child was supposed to have and that is it and that is qualifying enough it simplifies things because all of the other stuff is just noise also with I'm talking a lot today as far as like picking up the phone for your family members or whoever you really actually want to pick up the phone for but you just don't seem to be able to do it in the moment just letting them know beforehand like hey so I've been as you know I'm going through this you've

noticed I haven't picked the phone a lot I haven't really wanted to make plans a lot I've sort of retracted and the more time that goes by it's harder and harder to want to connect because then there's guilt and then I feel like I have to fill you in on all the things and filling you in on all the things means that I have to confront what's going on with me and I am not at the place that I'm I I really want to do that right now I do really want to connect but for now I'd really love it if we could just talk about the weather if we could just talk about the comedian who just released a special on whatever it is that you want to talk about right just let them know ahead of

time do it in text if you're not really up for calling them to especially say that just say hey right now blah blah blah that way I feel like it would be a lot easier to reconnect with you for now we can get into the updates when I'm ready but I'm just not ready yet simple as that that is the easiest way to handle the anxiety about people that you want to be closer with again or reconnect with in my opinion in most cases I think the healthiest thing you can do is if you're not around people get around people it doesn't have to be lots of people two or three people that you know can lift you up have your back and aren't judging you connecting with those people on a very regular basis not

just people that you know are in your corner or the people that you're keeping at Bay like your you know close family extended family that you're like oh I know in a pinch they would support me they're there for me no I mean people that you can connect with that you can call that you do call and that you pick up the phone for and that you could possibly be also helping and supporting and being there for them too this is also something that is very helpful in to in order for you to get out of the anxiety the social anxiety so yeah I think that's it the socialx anxiety is because you fear that you will be forced to face the end of the story of you as you know it is basically what it is if

you didn't believe and I highly suggest that you go back and listen to episode four if you haven't already it might even just be good for a refresh or two about the fear of being judged because we are not usually activated by the Judgment of somebody else's unless somewhere in our mind we are questioning it for ourselves like if somebody told you you were a bad parent back at before all this alienation happened you probably would have looked at them like they were crazy as you're sitting there handing out cookies at the Eagle Scouts meeting even not Eagle Scouts maybe Boy Scouts whatever or at the school function you probably would look at them like okay you don't know what you're

talking about but because there has been this doubt this character assassination by your ex or whoever is alienating your children children from you and there is part of you that questions whether or not you're a good parent or a worthy parent worthy person that is why this bothers you it's always because you question it about yourself okay and this is natural it's it's this is human nature if you're coming out of the emotional abuse that many of us have then you know you're in that kind of like Nar fog like is it me is it my fault am I you know the crazy making so it makes sense that this this happens but when you break it down and understand your own thinking and why

it's happening and also address maybe some of the shame that you might have for or guilt that you might have for not being there the times that you wanted to be there or drinking too much at that one party when your children were around or whatever it is you know addressing those things and understanding that the place that you were in in the moment of making whatever mistakes you made in the past right again I think I addressed that I haven't listened to this since I recorded it but I think I addressed address that in that episode there so just understanding that the judgment is coming from their own story about whatever has happened in their lives up until now and anything that they don't

want to address in their own selves it's about them it's all about them remember that your story about you is unchangeable and doesn't end until you say it ends okay that is the takeaway and that doesn't mean that you're any less of a parent that you're any less of a person less wory you know all the things it just means you a parent and okay so for me like I'm a parent and I would like to be much more active in my daughter's life I would like to see her and have those interactions and I am still worthy I am still lovable and I choose to show up and model for and look for actively look for opportunities for me to continue to model for her that's what we focus on good parent bad parent

worthy not not worthy like all of these comparison labels they're just not helpful okay so that is what is contributing to your social anxiety so let go of that and focus on what you are doing and your own story about yourself and you will be much happier and less anxious in the long run okay holiday parties don't have to be this Dreadful awful experience if you don't want them to be they really don't you don't have have to hide if you don't want to like I said people are only thinking about themselves okay all right then um listen I have a freebie for you guys it's five activities I think five or six I forget how many I did five activities actions that you can take in order to

move you from feeling depressed and unmotivated to feeling better almost instantly within a few minutes okay five activities and I I wanted to put this out over the holidays because I think this is is going to be useful over the next few months so go to beyondthe High road.com slfe better now 5 minute actions that you can take that will cause you to feel better almost instantly in the midst of a depression or the grief of alienation it'll get you from feeling like you need to want to hide under your covers or in your shell to feeling like you have a bit more wind at your back a push very simple things to do that you can do anybody can do in a matter of minutes to lift your spirits

okay so beyond the high.com feel better now all right you guys I will see you next week hey I'm going to do another ask me anything October 28th that Saturday at 10:30 a.m. eastern standard time ask me anything and just so you I'd been just showing up into the Facebook group and then you guys would type in what it is that you had a question about and it can be on anything y'all it doesn't have to be about the programs that I offer it can be about your situation of alienation anything that you want to ask pertaining to your healing right and how you can feel better about whatever is going on for you um I am happy to answer okay it's not a sales session that's not what

it's about so it's really to offer you guys help and support this time I'm going to also add in that you can join via Zoom but in order to register because I don't want to just be giving out that Zoom that meeting link to anybody and everybody I want you guys to register so that States private so register for that beond the high road.com back ask me anything okay you want to register by Friday 24 hours ahead of time by Friday at 10:30 a.m. okay Eastern Standard Time okay all right you guys I will talk to you later thanks so much for listening today guys I'm honored that you chose to share your time with me if you like what you've been hearing and you want more come join me in the new monthly

membership where we take the concepts that you hear about here and using a logical framework you learn to apply them to your specific situations upgrading your thoughts and your life even while experiencing the grief of alienation for more information go to beyond the high road.com see you soon