Surprising Benefits to Feeling Unsupported & How To Move Through it for Alienated Parents

You're Not Alone: Navigating the Feeling of Being Unsupported

As parents, especially ones who've been forbidden to see our children, there can be (many) moments when it feels like it's you against the world. Life's bombs seem to explode around you no matter how much effort you put in. It's easy to sink into a mindset of believing you're unsupported and stuck. This episode of Beyond the High Road delves into the surprising benefits of these feelings and offers guidance for moving through them.

Recognize the Patterns

When facing the tumultuous waters of feeling unsupported, it's crucial to create clarity. Often, we overestimate the chaos and underplay our strengths. The first step is to get specific. Write down what has actually gone awry. More often than not, the list is shorter than you imagined. This isn't to minimize your challenges, but to help you manage your mind and regain agency over your life.

Avoid Being Your Own Worst Enemy

Telling yourself that you've tried everything and nothing works only serves to hinder your progress. Document the steps you’ve taken, even if they haven’t worked. You might find that just acknowledging them can spark new, innovative solutions. Consider it a reset for your brain—a brainstorming session you didn’t know you needed.

Challenge Your Survival Brain

Recognize that your survival brain might be working against you, trying to solve past mistakes rather than focusing on the here and now. Interrupt these thoughts with kindness and curiosity. Instead, ask high-quality questions: How can this obstacle serve as an opportunity for growth? What story does this moment write for your future self?

Use Your Challenges as a Catalyst

When everything feels like it's falling apart, remind yourself that these challenges can become part of your transformative story. They’re shaping you into a stronger, more resilient version of yourself. It might not be visible now, but these experiences are crafting the dynamic narrative you can share with others who feel equally lost.

Shift Your Mindset: From Victim to Growth-Oriented

Acknowledging the hardship is important, but dwelling on it can lead to a victim mindset. Instead, frame your experiences in a way that propels you forward. How can these trials equip you with the skills and resilience needed for future challenges?

The Necessity of Change for Growth

The discomfort you're feeling could be life nudging—or forcefully pushing—you toward necessary change. Embrace the idea that sometimes life has to become intolerable for us to take action. If you're feeling comfortable with where you are, it's likely you’ll remain stagnant. Push past the threshold and embrace the discomfort as a stepping stone to personal and spiritual growth.

Embodying Resilience: Your Contribution to Others

Your story, complete with its setbacks, can serve as a beacon of hope for someone else. Your journey from alienation to empowerment isn’t just for you; it’s for the many who will follow, needing support and a relatable experience to spur them forward.

Commit to Empowered Action

Finally, remember that challenges present an opportunity to show up for others and yourself in meaningful ways. When you give up on your goals, you're not just giving up on yourself, but on everyone who needs the inspiration of your triumphs. Keep the momentum, and don't underestimate the power of simply showing up—for yourself and those around you.

Conclusion: Take the Next Step

So, when your world feels like it’s blowing up around you and nothing makes sense, take a deep breath. Remember these moments are pivotal to your growth. They’re setting the stage for a new narrative, one you control by how you choose to respond. This too shall pass, and on the other side, you will find strength you never realized you possessed.

Join me this Saturday, Sept 28th, 2024 for a free "Worry Workshop" to further explore how to harness these challenging emotions for your benefit. You don’t need to walk this road alone.  Together, I can help you define & cultivate a new, empowered path forward.

Episode Transcript

  You are listening to the Beyond the High Road podcast with Shelby Milford, episode number 104. Stay tuned. Hey guys, how are we doing today? I took my earrings off because I was actually on an, um, an old fashioned phone call, consult call today. And so, um, and I didn't have my, I lost one of my AirPods, you guys.

One. One. I think a dog ate it. One of them, not my dog, but another dog, like a little while back. Anyway, I need to get a new pair. , okay. So today we are going to talk about, Oh, I guess I should do announcements. So the doors are officially open for the.

Survival Course. I've realized, I got a question from somebody the other day and realized that I haven't actually been clear on , the length the reason I think that you guys would care about the length of time that you're in it, is because, I mean, if it were me, I'd want to know how long until I started to feel better.

You know what I'm saying? , funny, not funny. Right. How long is this going to take me to start feeling like not miserable? And so I will tell you that the course it's intended to go for six months because with my one on ones too, that is where clients finding the most results because within that six months, a person can really apply the principles to their everyday life and to all the everyday little situations and in a group coaching setting, which I, what I love about group coaching.

And that's actually what. I did initially to, you get to learn from all the other people who are going through similar situations to you, or maybe not so similar. Some of this time it's like completely different, but the concepts and the way it's applied and you hearing other people going through it and how they're going to apply it.

It, it, you learn a lot more,. Because you're applying all the, steps, all of the tools in a very practical setting. like a lab so there's that it's six months long, , and then come six months from now, the plan is to then have a second group go through, you know, like that, but you get as long as the program is open, y'all get access to the weekly calls moving forward for all of the other cohorts too, like the group coaching calls, because there's two different kinds of calls, there's the course calls, and then there's the group coaching calls.

See what I'm saying? Okay. All right. Now the second thing I wanted to announce is that so TikTok lives are on Thursdays at 8 PM Eastern and then noon, on Facebook the next day.

Okay. And they are entirely different settings. It's so it's, it's just, it's a different feel. And usually I'm not even talking about the same thing.

Last, the last thing I will announce this weekend, I am holding a worry workshop on Saturday at 1 p. m. Eastern. Okay. So if you would like to come, you gotta register. Cause I didn't know who's coming, like how many people are coming. it's free.

It's no charge. It's just a workshop. There's no selling. Well, I will tell you at the end that you should totally join the group coaching, you know, program that's getting ready to start, but that's about it. Otherwise, if you have been worrying your way to sleep every night, or you feel like, um, you know, the anxiety is high these days, um, then come on.

And I've got, um, a three part workshop for ya. And that's it. Okay. So now we're going to go on to today's topic, which is. I actually did discuss this in, on the Facebook live this last week, but I really thought after I talked about it, it's more impromptu then I thought, I bet many of you parents out there are going through this.

I mean, many humans probably are, but especially us. And that is. When you feel like it's you against the world and there are bombs going off everywhere around you and like everything you try, you're trying so hard, you're putting out all of this effort to just get to like, God, I'm trying all these things and all I want to do is get here and everybody else can get here, but I can't.

Because, blah, blah, blah, because of alienation, because of the other parent, because of lack of resources, yadda, yadda, yadda, right? Um, and when I yadda, yadda, yadda that, just know that I wasn't minimizing your yadda, yadda, yadda. I just didn't want to go into all the examples. When we're there,

it feels like our goals or just getting by, for fuck's sake, is impossible. Like, you just don't know how you're going to make it, right? So I want to talk to you about that, and then ultimately, really, what I want to talk with you guys about is Why, why it's happening and what you can do about it. Okay? Okay, so when you're telling yourself that the world's against you, nothing seems to work, no matter how hard I try.

I can't get ahead. I do get ahead just a tiny bit ahead. I feel like I've got the wind at my back and then boom, everything blows up. And then I'm back behind where I was before, it is very typical for our brains to over Estimate the amount of wreckage that's before us.

we will make it. So much bigger To the point where we can't manage our mind around it. And what I want to help you do is to be able to, uh, feel powerful or having agency over it. And the only way that you can do that is to pick the air out of it, right?

To shrink it down some pull the emotion out of it. The best thing that you can do Get very specific and write down on your notes app or on a piece of paper, what has gone wrong? That here. what just blew up.

Nine times out of ten We say that everything has gone wrong, and really, when it gets down to it, nuts and bolts, we write it down, and it's two or three things that are happening that are really affecting us right now.

And maybe one or even all of those things that you have listed are big deals, but when you say that 20 things, like everything, is a big deal, well, You have a lot more to overcome in your brain than when you say these three specific things have gone wrong right now.

So factualize what's gone wrong. The next thing is when you tell yourself that you tried everything. I've tried all the things. That's all I've been doing. There is nothing else to do. I'm out of solutions. It's impossible. When you do this, You act as your own enemy

so list out what exactly you've tried. What steps have I taken thus far that have not worked? Usually, by listing them, the act of doing that listing, it tends to unclutter things. And it also tends to spark more innovation, different ideas, it can turn into a brainstorming session just by writing down the things you've already done. If nothing else, then, you know, you have something to refer back to a . Blueprint for where you're going to go next, right? I know this stuff is so basic but When we're going through it with many alienated parents that I speak with, we have a story that's going on up in the noggin that says that we're exempt from any solutions.

Like, Oh, that's not going to work for me because I'm alienated. You may not say it that way. Some people do, but it could be there flying under the radar. Right. And so when you think that you already start to cut yourself off from finding those solutions. Also, once you've gotten specific about what's gone wrong and what steps you've taken thus far, up until now. This is about the time when your brain will start to offer you excuses or arguments, like objections, about your decisions or mistakes you've made in your past. If only we wouldn't have done that thing.

If only we would have done blah, blah, blah. Why did I do that back then? If I just would have made the left as opposed to making the right, we wouldn't be in this boat right now. If I never would have met that person, if I never would have gone that place whenever, , this is your survival brain that likes to do this because it doesn't like to be in this uncomfortable place of confronting your life, right? So it'll usually just want to try to solve for your past. Which is, as you guys know, fucking impossible.  it's pointless to do it,  so, in that time, the second that your brain starts to come up with those objections about your mistakes from the past, Yeah, for sure take ownership of those, but it's, your brain is really trying to deter you from getting somewhere new.

So at that time, just politely interrupt your brain. This is a thought habit that's happening, your brain is really freaking smart keen and adept at distracting you when it comes to, any growth possibilities. Which is awful actually to think about because we have this brain, the survival brain that works against us in today's world, because in today's world we don't need to be operating off a survival brain most of the time,

we don't have people running at us trying to kill us at all times. But, and especially while in the situation of, like, Going back to court for our kids 99 percent of the time, I would say survival brain is not helpful for us to be operating off of when we need to be using our higher thinking in order to get us to where we want to go.

Right. So just remind yourself of that when it's trying to solve for shit that's, there's nothing you can do about. Okay. In a loving, compassionate way. even sense of fascination sort of tone, like the one that you would take with your darling four year old child, but serious , like a firm, loving, serious.

fascinated. You know what I'm saying? Um, so it will try to tell you, bring you to all the reasons why you made the mistakes in the past. And that's why we found ourselves here today, or the reason why, because they did all those things back there that we are stuck here today. But again, all of that, you could say that for as long as you want.

Well, it's all their fault, their fault that I'm here. If they wouldn't have done this and I wouldn't be here and I'm with you. Like I could say that. You know, till the cows come home. I can say that all day long for weeks on end and be right, you know, I would be accurate, but what does that get me except for stuck staring at a wall, it gets me nowhere miserable, thinking about all the ways that I've been victimized.

You just feel worse about your whole life. So When your brain is trying to blame you or whatever decisions you made in the past, interrupt and

contemplate or ask yourself high quality questions.

Instead, like, I shouldn't be here, this isn't the place I'm supposed to be in. Um, if I just wouldn't have done that, then I wouldn't find myself here. Instead of fighting what already is, like Byron Katie talks about loving what is, which was some of the hardest work that I ever had to do for myself, on myself, when I started this whole journey, is loving what is, loving my situation of alienation.

I was like, Is this lady out of her goddamn brain, you know, it was a really tough one to go, through, but I, I chose to do it. I mean, . I was being taught by her from a distance. She was mentoring me. She didn't know it. I chose to go through it because I thought

what could the downside be to this? Because at that point I knew I wasn't going to be going back to court. I knew that I couldn't change my current situation with how other people were behaving because , that wasn't in my plans of what I was going to be pursuing, you know? So I was like, all right, well, if I'm not going to try to change this, then I'm going to go ahead and start, try to love what is now, we'll tell you to this day, I've decided, even though I did that work back then I've chosen to not.

Love. What is because I know that that it created too much dissonance in me inside, to tell myself that I loved my daughter being away from me. I did at the time embody that taught myself how to do that so that I could attain that skill and use it in, uh, moderation, if you will. Like I use it now, , to an extent in my everyday life when it comes to my daughter and our distance, because as you know, um, that I choose to believe that this must be bringing me to my highest version of myself.

And I really trust it. And I mean, I, you know, guys, I don't love the word hope, but I, I guess there's hope there too, that it's also bringing her to her best version of herself. That's what keeps me moving, you know, every day is it, it has to be. It has to be, because I've, to me, I've run out of all of the, the steam I could beating my head up against a wall, by trying to go back to court.

Now, is that the right answer for everybody? No, I don't, fully don't believe that that's the right answer. That was just my answer, so just know that I'm not saying that you should not go back to court, okay? Not at all. I encourage people to do all the different things.

It just depends on your situation. So, okay. All right, back to where I was. if you're not on board with like, let's say you are going back to court to change things and you don't want to love what is because that's not where you're settling, that's fine. But how can this, this whole experience whatever.

has just blown up in your face. How is it working for your benefit moving forward? How is this pushing you forward into what it is that you need to create, right? Even though it seems like a huge setback, which sometimes I know it feels like a slap in the face to think, how could this be ever working for me?

Especially when it comes to alienation and our kids being abused. How can our kids being abused be something that I should use to push myself forward? And it's not that binary. It's not like. Your kids are being abused so that you can push yourself forward. It's not, that's not it. It's more like this is what is happening because there is cruelty in the world.

You have to define it for yourself. I just think there is free. Well, people are going to do what they do. They believe it is right for them. Meaning the alienator and his wife from, from me, they have a cause and they believe it's right. Do I believe it's right? No, absolutely not. But I also too think that the things that I went through as a kid, you know, and that weren't good and that I don't like that happened to me, they truly made me who I am today.

And I love who I am today. I like, truly, I mean, I, I love myself. Like I, it actually just fills me up and like, I feel my heart expanding even saying that now because I want to hand that off to y'all, you know, like all of the shit. That happened the terrible things that I would never wish even on my enemy, ,

and I'm sure in your lives, things have happened that have just been icky and awful and terrible, right? You're like, why would this happen to anybody? This stuff we can use to create all the depth that we are today. All the. The beautifulness that we are .  Really truly try to find the ways that it might be working for you. why would this challenge be here for me? You guys have heard my, Dora's backpack, , analogy, right? apply that here, like, maybe this challenge was set here for me so that I could get strong and move forward, right?

So I'm going to expand on that a little further in just a minute, right? When I go into my next point. But also when I feel like the shit is hitting the fan and the fan is pointed in my direction, I like to, I just did it the other day there was a challenge that it felt impossible at the moment, what I tell myself.

I will look back at what's happening right now, and I'll use this as my story for the people who when I'm up there are in the spot that I'm in now, like in the hardship, Just basically what this whole podcast is, All of these little things that I've shared with you over the time, today, I can hand them to you guys.

and then what I hope for you guys, honestly, is like, I share with you how I got over the challenges. coming from alienation, there was nobody else out there that was, making good from their life. that I found, right? I'm not saying there weren't out there, but I couldn't find anybody that was healing and, finding growth as a result of alienation.

And so me handing all of my challenges to you and telling you that you can get through this, I hope that you take all the things that I offer you guys, and then you guys catapult. Use that to even go further with it. You know what I'm saying?

That is my goal, and then that just keeps going and it just ex keeps expanding, expanding, expanding, making this not Of course, there'll always be a challenging situation, but not impossible situation to get beyond That's the whole purpose, but I do my first thought when, um, my first helpful thought usually is, wait a second.

Maybe this is happening right now because I can use this in my story up there about the low points that I was in back when I was in it. So guarantee that this is happening for me as like a defining. setback of all of my story, Like I had to go through this in order to have the dynamic story that I know I will have coming up, And then I already have with you all of these setbacks that I've had the going to jail for different times, the stalking. I mean, I haven't, I haven't even told you guys nearly, I mean, really shied away from telling you guys a lot of the challenges I've gone through, because I know that you've gone through so many challenges already that I don't want to retraumatize you.

But sometimes every so often, I do think it helps for you guys to understand that I'm not just saying this. Some mom that has a little bit of alienation going on and it's been, you know, a little troublesome in my life, you know, it's really like it really put my life in the shitter for a very long time, and then I had to crawl out of said shitter, you know, over the years and it wasn't easy.

It hasn't been easy. It still isn't easy. And I don't know if it ever will get easy life in general. At some point, I will have paid off all the debt. From before, with court , child support and all the things. And I will have paid off all the debt and I'll be in a space where I'm not necessarily working my way out of a shitter financially from that, but still.

we all deal with challenges every day, especially if you're alienated and not in contact with your children of dealing with your role that you play, in your everyday life. Okay. So now I've just gone completely off the rails.

Me just veer myself right back to where on topic So one of my thoughts is, yeah, one of these days, This will become like one of the pivotal points that will resonate with somebody out there. I always look at it like not always not at first, you know, not when I'm feeling like it's a challenge, but when I'm like pulling myself out of it, I'll view future me already through it and looking back on it and using this shitty situation to help the next person.

And that always, almost immediately lightens the whole thing up. It's like, right, this too shall pass. This is only happening so that I can relate and I can be relatable to one more person out there, one more parent out there that needs it the most.

This very thing is going to be happening with that parent . I needed this part of my story in order to serve somebody in the future. Which brings me to my other thought. When I'm in this spot, many times, I just want to throw my hands up in the air, you know, like nothing's working. It's all impossible. Maybe I'm just going for the wrong goal or I'm in my poopy pants. And the world sucks and everybody's against me and I can't get any help from anybody.

And if it just would have been different, such and such, and if my parents would have been, you know, that we could all go down that road for way too long. If giving up is an option for me at that moment, then I remind myself that  if I give up on my goals, then I give up on every single one of you and I give up on my daughter, and I give up on all the people out there that might.

have not pushed further or pushed more and achieved their goals if I didn't, continue on with mine, I can't be that example.  And so that always like, there's people out there that are just waiting for me to help them.  Just like the people out there that are waiting for you to help them. 

Like it's my duty. as a mom to my daughter, there will be a time where she will be waiting and all this time built up to it. Maybe she does need me to be out there and doing this very thing that I'm doing for my own self to model that to her. If I give up early that I'm also giving up on her.

Because who's to say which thing is ever going to stick out to her, what kind of effort or what the way that I show up because I show up this way today, maybe that causes me to show up in the next way or I meet another person there's like all these opportunities, you know, um, in every single time that we show up,  even for the little tiny things.

 what do they say, like, life is 99 percent about showing up? It's something that I've actually had to coach myself on recently because I will get lazy on the showing up, especially these days when we don't actually have to show up. , I will get lazy and be like, Oh, it won't really matter because I'm just online and, you know, for like somebody's live event, Earlier one of my friends is going live and I wanted to be there to show support, but at the same time, I had client, client, client. it would be easy. To be like, it's just too much.

I got to take care of my own people. . But then I thought, I would love the support if I were in her position.  Life is about showing up. It's about doing what you say you're going to do and being there to support.  So even if it's for a shorter period of time, or you're just there in spirit and to write a couple of things in their live event and like still do your work, but also be there.

Then why not? Like, it's no skin off my back. I would have loved to actually be there for the whole thing. Do what you can. But showing up is so important. Especially when we're talking about showing up for other alienated parents. so anyway, those are the two thoughts that help me the most when I feel like I want to quit or I want to slow down or I want to give myself an out because things just aren't going easy.

So when your brain wants to come up with all the things that you shouldn't have done, or they shouldn't have done to get you where you are today, that's when you interrupt yourself and come up with your one or two thoughts, like come up with them now ahead of time so that you are ready with them prepared.

for your brain to start bringing up the past that you can't solve anything about, you know, when you start to go to that place, things shouldn't be this way, it shouldn't have happened this way, they shouldn't have done that. Not to say that you shouldn't be upset about the fact that this has happened right it kind of depends to where you're coming from.

If you know that you indulge in this and like you're always going to God, you know, I just wish it wasn't this way they shouldn't have ever done this stuff. But if you've been doing that for a while and you actually have had time to grieve it, Then you need to redirect and come up with one or two thoughts that you can replace, that actually do something for you, that motivate you like these do for me.

You know, I don't want to give up on the people that need me. And I know that there are people out there that would do, I mean, nobody needs me. You know what I'm saying? All of you empowered adults out there, parents out there, you don't need me, but At the same time, like, I know that what I've been through is, and where I am today, is of great use to you, and I want you to also be that support for the next people.

Do you know what I'm saying? Like, that, to me, motivates me. Like, no, I, I, those people need me. They, they need to hear that it's okay and it will be okay. All of this, this, this too shall pass, but  you have to keep going.  This is key when you want to give up, manager mind around what you think you're capable of, I need to say, and right now I need to interrupt myself and I think it goes without saying, but just in case this is one of the first episodes you listened to of mine, I want you to, I want to refer back to the end of episode 97, you want to base your, your goals or what you're trying to attain.

Solely on how you are showing up. And then whatever happens as a result, that's just the bad and the good of the 50 50 that life hands us. It's how we deal with that. Because if we're constantly going after things that either one, we know that we can attain, then we're always playing it safe.

So we're never really growing. Through something we're just playing it safe. We're going towards things we already have the capability of creating. So you're just going to keep recreating the same thing from our past. Or if you're going for somebody else to behave a certain way, so you can feel a certain way, then you're going to end up needing to set things up in front of you. for your own success, you would have to rig the game.

Basically, it's cheating. it's never really a real win. And you're just, relying on luck. Instead, I want to help you to empower yourself much more than that and grow into the new version of you because you're basing everything on , the results that you create

it doesn't, I mean, of course it matters how your children are behaving towards you, but when you. Rise above that and you're okay, no matter what, how they, of course, you would love for them to want to be with you, see the error of the alienating parents ways and all the things, right?

Of course, of course, we would all love that. But let's not rig the game. Instead, let's get you to the place where you feel capable, worthy, and, badass, no matter what. And, you can't wait for your kid to Want to be with you too, , So back to the world being blown up  this is the real point that I wanted to get to  If your world is blowing up right now, and like, it feels like no matter what, you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't, every which way you turn, shit is going wrong, or dead ends, you're hitting all of these dead ends, Usually it's because you've been telling yourself and putting it out there in the world that you want your life to change, that you don't like the current status of your life.

Things are not satisfactory to you. And you've been trying to change frequencies. To get to a higher frequency. You're have been doing the leg work, right? work On your own self and your own thoughts, and you're been doing work in your relationships or whatever, but shit starts to blow up anyway,

you're like, I'm doing all the right things. I swear. I'm doing everything exactly how everybody's maybe you're saying this to me. Right. I've been doing everything that you're telling me to do. Shelby. I've been doing all blah, blah, blah. Right. Well, come join them.

That is what your next goal is, and then

remind yourself it very well could be life is cutting you off in all of the areas and making things uncomfortable for you. Intolerable for you to remain in the current state Like for me, I used to always say, I could live, in a paper bag and it'd be fine. Like I could always make do that's just kind of, I hated that about my upbringing, even though I was brought up well, I was really kind of, forgotten about in the family.

So I always was the one that made do, And so that became my motto, like unspoken, unrecognized motto is that I can just make do I'll just, Do without, I can survive. I can get by I'll figure it out. as a result, I have a high tolerance to a lot of unacceptable themes in my life.

Not just unacceptable people, which was true for a very long time, but I had a high tolerance to the pain that was happening in my life. And so therefore, in order for me to change, all the shit had to blow up. Like, all the things. It had to be to the point where it was unlivable, intolerable, in order for me to be like, Oh, okay, it's time for me to move.

Like, there's no other choice but to move. Desperation, really, was what it was. People like to say, oh, I'm just hard headed, I just don't learn my lesson. It could be this. Like what I'm talking about, right? Is that you, your whole life, have learned how to make do. And if you're a Gen X baby, Gen X, is that right?

Not Gen Z. Gen Z's the younger ones, right? If you're a Gen X baby, I think that a lot of us are this way, because we had parents that were like, it was like the wild, wild west. I mean, I know there was plenty of parents before us, but for whatever reason, our parents were completely, Mine were anyway, and I think a lot of them were like, la di da, off in some other fucking world, right?

And so we, a lot of us, did make do in our life, right? I was just watching this There was the Menendez brothers last night, but one theme almost made me uncomfortable is that the dad kept saying, just don't get caught. Dude, my dad like lived by that logo and he was the head of the DEA, you know, just don't get caught.

Just don't get caught. That was it, you know, anyway, back off task again. Um, so. That's why I know today, to this day, that I was just like, always like, Oh, I'm resilient. I'm rough and tumble. It's fine. I can make do. I'll deal. And so I would stay with the current state of my life for way too long. In many, many, many cases and scenarios.

And when people were treating me poorly. You know, I did it then. Um, maybe too, because of other things that happened too. But I would tolerate it. I could tolerate. I knew that I could because I, I knew that I had quote, unquote, tough skin. But just because you can tolerate something doesn't mean that you should or that you want to, you know what I'm saying?

Like you don't have to keep tolerating your life. You don't have to you can actually move to it. At the very least, a different head space so that you're not just tolerating that you're seeing the good in your life today, which is a huge to me

doing that work alone will change your life. You know, being able to see the good and being able to see the advantage of all of it. Just what I was saying before, loving what is right. How is this working for you? But you're telling yourself that you want your life to change.

And then all of a sudden things start getting uncomfortable for you. It's because there's one area. Or maybe more than one area, like you've been doing the work, but now it's time to, to push over that threshold. You're avoiding doing a certain thing, right?

It just depends on what we're talking about. And you have to probably put yourself out on a limb and it's going to feel risky to you. And so you've been avoiding doing that thing as like a last ditch effort, right? You just are like, well, I don't want to have to do that. Let's see if we can make it without doing it.

That's the thing. Your life is making you uncomfortable right now for you so that you can move to the next frequency and you can move to the next level of your life, the next version of you. But you can't get there being the person that you are today. You have to make that growth.

Life just doesn't give it to you. There are steps that you have to take for you to become the person that is in that life. Does that make sense? you got to put yourself out in the line in whichever way that is, you know what it is when you're thinking to yourself.

It's usually the thing that you're telling yourself that you either have to quit. You'll tell yourself like either why later at night when you're getting into bed, or you can't sleep, or, you know, when you're driving home from work and you're like, yeah, I really should do that or I shouldn't stop doing that, whatever that thing.

Usually. Okay, maybe it's in a couple areas to don't just try the bare minimum do them all because the more that you do the more you will grow and the more levels you will go. you create more room for yourself, the more that you grow the more responsibility that you get the more freedom that you get, that's just The basics of like growing up as a kid, you know, but it's the same now in today in adulthood Even if you're in your well in your 60s, it does not matter Same rules apply, like you can't, I know we've talked about this and I'm not the only person you've probably heard this from but like in order, in order to get the things at like if you look at like your idols whoever those are that you, it seems like impossible for you to reach where they're at because they're, they are at a different frequency they've, they've Grown in order to get to that level, right?

So you can see them from here and you're like, oh, it's just too much of a gap. You can't, but it's just that you need to keep growing. You can't get to those places by wishing it to happen. There's work that you have to do,

you can't just keep doing what you did yesterday to get to where you want to go. You cannot get there without, like, without doing new things, things that stretch you out of your comfort zone now. You know what I'm saying? So that is why your life is blowing up on you. That's why it's because if you tolerate a lot of things, then you're going to keep resisting the moving forward because you're like, no, it's fine.

I'll just stay here and play it safe here. But your life is going to kick you out so that you can get to the new life, right? It's like, somebody's like, you're just keep sitting in a chair. You keep sitting in a chair. And finally somebody comes and like. Pulls it out from you and pushes you.

Like you, you can't sit here anymore, . You gotta go there, you gotta go that way, it's happening for your growth and for your good. Even though I know that that can be very controversial and off-put. When we're talking about our situations of alienation, because how could this be working for you?

I get you, but like I said, it's not binary. It doesn't have to be your, your children have to go through something bad. , you have to be punished in order for you to get to the good place. , you don't have to see it that way. Because it's not that way. It's like this is just a yes that this is horrible and also what you make of your life as a result of it is this.

And if you've been saying that this is what you want, well, this is the way you get there as you grow. But yeah, it's happening for you. Okay. How is that true for you today? And every time that you find yourself in the helpless place or feeling victimized or like that other people have, or, or, or the past version of you is responsible for how you are, where you are today.

And you have no moves to make then ask yourself, all right, well, that did happen, but how could this be a growth opportunity for me today? Just possibly. How is it that my, my life now? Taking whatever is happening. Would it be? Would it be the chips have fallen right now? How is life pushing you out of your chair and moving you forward?

And are you going to take that opportunity? Who in your future is waiting for you to be there for them? You know, okay. All right, y'all. Okay, remember this Saturday, I'm going to have the link down below. I'm going to have the link down below for the Worry Workshop. And I'm going to tell you right now what it is.



It's beyondthehighroad. com. Slash backslash, whatever it is, worry workshop. Both W's are capitalized for whatever reason in my goofy website. It does matter. I don't know how to fix that, but, um, worry workshop. So capital W for worry, capital W for workshop.

Okay. So, but the link will be. Right down below or you can find my link to read any of my socials too. Um, and it'll be there. Um, and then live Thursday 830 tick tock everything will be posted down below and then on Facebook the Facebook group the private Facebook group you guys Private Facebook group is free free F r e e Okay, I've had some people asking me that question lately.

No, it's free All free. Okay? Not all free. But that's free. Okay. Goodbye. Have a lovely rest of your week. And I'll see you on Saturday.