Pick Your Poison to END Your Suffering as an Alienated Parent

you are listening to the Beyond The High Road podcast with Shelby Milford episode number 96 stay tuned welcome to be on the high road a podcast dedicated to Healing your heart and life following the grief of alienation I'm your host Shelby mford a twice certified life coach specializing in post-traumatic growth if you're experiencing the effects of alienation and you're ready to heal then this show is my love letter to you stay tuned heyy guys so I'm recording this on Wednesday um the day I usually release these I usually get them out in the afternoons evenings I have made a deal with myself that I'm going to get this recorded and edited all this evening here's the deal

is it's ironic it's a little entertaining and it's also been a little self- sabotaging what's going on for me is that I have been teetering on these two areas subjects that I really wanted to I felt strongly about addressing with you guys for you guys today and it's had me sitting and sort of spinning I was deciding whether I wanted to separate them and do one episode and then the other but I keep wanting to integrate them into the same episode but I also don't want it to be so long one of the topics is procrastination and here I am it's been days that I've been thinking about this which of course got me down a whole nether RIT hole of looking at how often

this happens that we procrastinate about the procrastinating then it is actually quite common it seems to be especially with the writers out there who are writing about procrastination I did learn a good amount while I was down my little rabbit hole but the other topic I wanted to talk about is purpose sealing purposeful creating purpose in your life and so I think after I did a little bit of writing myself and I think I'm going to weigh it knowing that these two are in my head and I'm just going to share my experience strength and hope with my pain points with it and and and trust that it will work obviously we all every human on the of this Earth is going to

procrastinate in one way or another and there are the surface ways that we procrastinate with like taking the trash out and like lowing the lawn and just the every day going to get your haircut or whatever and then there are the more emotionally charged reasons that we procrastinate and that's what I really want to get into today as usual is the deeper seated causes for you not getting it done not addressing the things or prioritizing the things that actually really do matter when you're sitting in bed at night about to fall asleep and you start freaking out because certain things didn't get done those are the things that I'm talking about so I can remember back when I was in active

communication with my ex actively parenting my daughter and the exchanges were happening on a twice weekly basis it was stressful and so I did whatever I could to try to lower my stress this is of course before I had the tools of managing my mind I always am curious about what a difference it would make back then having these mind management tools how much less suffering I would be unnecessary suffering I would have endured back then but anyway I can remember avoiding the little things like waiting until the last minute to read an email that my ex had sent responding to an email actually sitting down to write the thing back to them because it just felt so draining right waiting for the

last last minute to go in and speak to the teachers about whatever crisis or event that had just recently happened anytime I had to face my peers or somebody that didn't really know our situation well and even those that did because anytime I had to explain what was going on I was faced with the reality at that time the harsh reality that other people didn't go through what I was going through which caused me to feel more alone just by merely going up to the scho school to explain the situation at hand this Jerry Springer Show that was my life that's how I thought about it back then so in order to go and talk to the principal I had to like get up my my courage to address it

with myself and also with them that hey this is a quote unquote different situation than the your regular run-of A- mil parent that comes up right or even regular run-of-the-mill Modern Family sort of situation that you might see the time much of the time that I procrastinated it was because of course I was having to face my first reality my story of what my reality was and of course that's never Pleasant right so it makes sense if you are in that situation and you don't want to answer emails from your ex you don't want to write the response email because you know drafting that up is going to take however long I know how this goes you spend far too much time on drafting this perfect

response to them because you want to cover all bases so that you have less to deal with later and so that you also make sure that they know that you know what they're doing we become little not only makeshift attorneys but also perfectionists at everything every little detail turns into like this thesis and so of course it makes sense that you would want to avoid doing that or you'd want to put it off because it's going to take time it's going to take energy you leave that whole email session right drafting night that writing session feeling drained of all your energy your mind mentally exhausted physically exhausted you just want to go to sleep so it makes sense that you

would want to avoid them each time a a lawsuit would come up each time I got served I would be presented with the problem of do I want to continue on with the current attorney or the attorney that I used in my last case or do I need to my question was always do I need to find someone that's less expensive by the hour or a less expensive retainer fee that was always the the fear the biggest fear and question in my mind well of course there was a bigger fear and that was losing my role as my daughter's mom right active role as my daughter's mom but when it came to decision making it was always the money issue do I need to go find new representation and are they going to

represent me well enough like are they going to do the job it was always this balancing of like can I even afford this person and even going on consultations I knew that that was $250 a pop so I would focus on the little problems around finding the attorneys but really the one thing that was deterring me was knowing that I probably couldn't afford them so I found all of this other busying stuff to do around hiring the attorney hopefully that's making sense but like it wasn't one thing or another I just ended up staying in this place of confusion sort of gting around this one I was making the money the most important thing and it is true if we don't have money we obviously can't pay

for these things but because I was so focused around my fear of not being able to pay guess what happened wasn't able to pay and then I found somebody that was subpar because I could afford these people I couldn't even them but the main focus and Main seere in my mind was I can't afford this person who can I afford for the amount of money I have and so that yielded really shitty results in the court cases to come I I get it I know that there's a real issue with like yeah but I can't just make money grow shall we but also too you when we're in that place of can't can't can't can't find ways then we really won't find ways but back when I wasn't so worried about the money I had a great

attorney I had my first three attorneys were fantastic after that it all just went on this steady decline and I had terrible attorney after terrible attorney because I kept lowering my standers because I kept thinking that I couldn't afford anybody better after that it all went downhill I was trying to pinch pennies and it like did the opposite for me which just proves my point here 100% when we lower our standards based on anything in this case money based on the fact that we can only afford this much then you're limiting yourself and what your results can be because you're saying well what results can I get for this amount of money so you end up screwing yourself because what if just

what if you let go of the money thing just for a moment and I know people say well you can't can't hire somebody you need to pay the retainer but just hear me out like if you let go of your limitations and instead sort of asking yourself what is it that I value in an attorney I value them to be honest to be upstanding to be uh bulldog and court and somebody that's like straight to the point he gets the job done and cares about what they're doing and and stands by their own morals and does not waver that kind of stuff then focus on that not the money yet focus on that and that alone if you find that attorney then you'll ask yourself how can I make this possible

that's when that that the money question comes in how can I make this possible well when you already limit yourself and only go for something based on what you think you can afford or what you think your ability is in some other way you will yourself every time because you're working from a deficit you're working from scarcity and abundance is what you need to be creating when you're going back in for your child okay so there's that now like I said if you are not going back to Port use that for anything that's going on in your life today right let's say you you're in the acceptance radical acceptance mode of your situation of of alienation and your kids are maybe even your kids are grown

maybe they're not whatever use this with anything that you are dealing with that goes for like any future careers that you're looking to shift into don't look for careers based on your limitations that would be crazy right to look oh I can't do this this and this and I could only do this so what are the jobs there that's a lowquality way of going about getting what you want in life now a better way to do that is maybe I don't have that ability right now but I can get it I just learn it it becomes a non-issue it's the same thing with court and money the money thing if yeah you always want to keep it in the back of your mind but do not make that the main criteria for finding your attorney I'm

hearing this question a lot that's why I went to that um but okay so it makes sense why you would be putting off going and interviewing attorneys like I did right doing the consults because you are telling yourself that you can't afford anybody that fear will keep you spinning and then you're going to pick the shittiest attorney at the last minute because or represent yourself because you haven't done the leg work and because you already talked yourself out of the game before you even started like got up to bad you're not helping yourself so asking yourself the right questions before going into whatever it is that you're tasking your mind and yourself to do whatever you're

committing to not what is my capability based on my limitations but what is it that I want and how can I get there what is what do I value my non-negotiables what are my non-negotiables and what am I doing to get there those are more high quality question questions open-ended questions that will lead you your brain doesn't like to resist a question right and so if you ask it yes or no questions or limiting sort of questions that are like you know you can't afford that right or like how am I supposed to find somebody to represent me when I barely have any money those are going to get you low quality type results whether you have situations that mirror the ones

that I just shared with you or you have other areas that you tend to put off in your life it all boils down to usually unless we're talking about the surface things chances are that the reason you're not doing it is because of fear sure you know this this is probably so googleable but yeah it's the fear of discomfort fear of the unknown of what might happen when you do face whatever it is that it is like the email right opening up the email from your your kiddo's mom or dad other parent that when we are avoiding this even though we may well know exactly and could probably recite before even reading Verbatim what that email is going to say in our brains that dun dun

D is the fear of the discomfort of actually coming face to face to terms with whatever that is because there might be a story similar to you're not a parent you are not capable of parenting your kid I am going to challenge your role as a parent right and that is um ultimately what we all fear is that Life as we know it our identities are at risk of being taken away ultimately this is a human like all humans have this fear and so if your identity is in question who are you going to become and that even goes for let's say there's things that you're avoiding that you know are to your benefit so you think that you would want to do the things because it's going to

change your life for the better and you know it you know like going and finishing up your degree or going for the job interview writing the book doing the whatever it is right for whatever reason you keep dragging your feet and you know it's what you need to do and what you want to do and you just can't seem to bring yourself to doing the simple tasks it takes maybe you'll even have a road map map per se like you've actually got a how-to step by step of what you need to do in order to become the new version of you but you are paralyzed with fear right you start to invent reasons why you can't do the thing I'm not motivated I'll do it tomorrow our brains like to trick us and

tell us that we can put it off because later the motivation or the inspiration will actually just show up for us that we won't have to do anything and later on it'll be there for us later on we'll have the time but right now it's just not convenient it'll come up with all these ways to sort of distract you deter you off your plan so that you can stay stagnant and more importantly stay as the version of you that's already known it's the devil you know not that you're the devil just that the misery that you might feel like you're in right now there's a clear path out of that you're like no I just need to do this this and this and then I'll be where I wanted to

be but you can't because your brain is keeping you on this I'm not motivated I'm not feeling Innovative I I I'm not hitting Flow State what depending on what you're doing right you will always have a reason until you come to terms with and address and manage your mind around the fact that by doing the thing you're going to evolve and adopt a new version of you and that's okay but the subconscious mind will have you believe that it's not okay so with the stuff that we don't want to do like truly don't want to do and we're we're dreading it like opening up the emails drafting the emails it's crazy because it's just somebody saying the words right it doesn't mean that that actually

is going to be our reality but we don't want anything threatening our view of ourselves and our reality moving forward and so that's why that's why we do it that's why we avoid that stuff but by avoiding it it only makes the fears become more true because it's always looming in the back of your mind it's always like on in the background playing as if you haven't closed out that app that application right so you've never actually fully had closure with it yourself whereas when you open the email you you you address everything there for yourself not for them like address it to yourself like is this true is this true is this true is this an actual threat or whatever what

do I need to deal with what not then you can actually swipe up on that app and then it's out of your the background of your mind you've closed it all out you've checked the boxes and moved along but if you the longer that you avoid it the longer it's sitting there looming you know what I'm saying so there's that but also I'm just lending you guys some probabilities of what might be going on with you but I think it would do you a lot of good to for in the moment asking yourself you don't have to make it super deep but like what am I actually searing here or what am I wanting out of this situation ultimately here and what am I telling myself like what is the low quality part of me like

subconscious and survival brain telling me that's important right now is that really what's important in the long run and if it's not then find out what is and keep redirecting your mind to the things that are important reminding yourself because a lot of times we'll place like this importance on the things that are like the false importance right it's the it's the stuff that doesn't matter anyway so we're just wasting time um not only by procrastinating on the things that we really want to do but also wasting time maybe busying ourselves in the negativity of somebody else you know what I'm saying hopefully this is all coming together I'm worrying like in my the back of my mind is

placing importance on y'all taking what I'm getting ready to say wrong and I think I just need to I want to put it out there that that's what's going on for me but I also want to not censor myself when I'm saying this because I know know that where I'm coming from is for genuine love and care and desire for y'all to you know to heal and create an amazing life for yourself even in the absence of your children in your home you know what I'm saying so just know that I'm coming from a really loving uh genuine place here when it comes to feeling purposeful in your life I think we get so distracted we get often get distracted by what is the noble purpose right like if I am a good parent and

I've talked with you guys about this about holding on to you know the the pain as your way to feel connected to them and how we often tie those two together if I hold on to my pain then I will hold on to my connection and to my active role as parent it's almost like this vigilante feel to it but what I want to address with you guys is how sometimes when we hold hold on to this what we think we're obligated to and order to keep that role as active parent we the the waters get all muddy because we're having to keep this front up and that front is limiting your ability to create new moving forward and when I say create new I'm not saying leaving your child behind but there can be and

you know and alsos instead of always having to L around this identity that you might feel obligated to carry feeling purposeful and finding purpose can feel incredibly challenging and and damn near impossible when you're trying to fit yourself in some box that closes you back into a corner and doesn't allow you to spread your wings if you're you've adopt a Persona of a a a purpose right and that purpose isn't working for you any longer like I really want I encourage you guys to be very honest with yourself about what it is that you're you're remaining committed to right what what stories you have about yourself about your life and about your purposes going forward that that you're sticking

with right and that you're investing in because if those things that you're investing in aren't actually fully like if they're going against all of the other qualities about you and you're feeling like you have to remain committed to these qualities because that's proving your point or are proving your devotion dedication to your kiddo I just want to um I don't know I just want to offer that maybe you become open to seeing how it does doesn't have to be so black or white and that we don't have to Define ourselves to the point where you are set apart and the exception to any of the rules the more that you define yourself and put yourself into these like all these the you know special

snowflake categories the less connected you're going to feel the less support you will have you know like for me I had to be willing to divorce all of who I was and what my purposes were and everything about me what I believed in what I thought was right what I thought was wrong who my friends were who my family was what family meant actually what a family is like what is what is like every rule that I ever had and felt uh an allegiance to or felt a conviction for I had to be willing to divorce it all to let it all dissolve and go away and then from that point once I wasn't tied to committed to any of the identifiers of me of Shelby then I could slowly mindfully

adopt those characteristics back in those those beliefs those ideas with a new twist to each one of them I questioned everything and I know I talk about this a lot but I think it's so important when you're going to to uh purpose yourself to doing anything new all right so I'm going to switch G for a second and we're going to go over to the other question I have for you which is what are you purposing yourself for like what are what are your desires what are your wants what are your ultimate goals and of course procrastination fits into that because if you're not working towards those or you've been putting them off or you've been sort of toying with the idea of purpose but every time

you do you end up not following through on your commitments to yourself This is why I feel like I've been wanting to visit these together um at least that's what's making sense in my brain today so ask yourself that question what is your purpose for today what is your purpose for this month for this year for this lifetime you may not have the lifetime answer yet and you don't have to I think that sometimes we feel so pressured because it seems like it should have so much meaning and so much uh importance right that it it it does it feels so pressy and you're not sure where you fit into that equation especially after adjust to maybe not having your kid at home at all or at least as much as you

once thought you were going to lives have not turned out in the way that you thought it would and so sometimes what happens is we just decide to rebel and dissociate pull back on lives alt together we say if we can't have what we want then we will have none thank you nope take it all back I don't want any of it understandably so I'm not making fun poking fun of that at all but for any disappointment whether we're talking about in the trivial small or big I give myself a lotted amount of time ahead of time to like when it first happens usually it's like a 24-hour period to be angry about it it depends on what it is um and then I move on from there so that I don't deprive myself of that time to

be angry about it to want to rebel to be you know dysfunctional even you usually these days I do that on the inside not usually act out in that but you know what I'm saying so I do a lot for a little bit of time there and then I choose to make meaning out of my pain and then do service work but you do you you guys know that I love Mark Manson and whenever I read his sell art um I'm not giving a one of the ideas that he wrote about in this book changed my world completely where he was talking about success and purpose and what defined you moving forward he has an article out that is the shorter version of that portion of the book and the article is called and I suggest you guys

go read it because it's a great one and it's a really quick read um but it's called the most important question of your life one of the things he says in here the quality of your life is not determined by the quality of your positive experiences but the quality of your negative experiences and I remember back when thinking oh my god without these deeply painful significant negative horrific Earth shattering devastating events that I have experienced my life would never have the potential to have the profound positive meaning that I wanted it and that I believe that it does have today so like it's like you can't and I've explained this before that all of our emotions and maybe this is where I

started to to adopt this belief too is that our emotions are on this spectrum right and you can't have the bad without the good the good without the bad you have to have both in order to appreciate that one is the other and that they're both there because if they were everything was good and if we were always happy then it wouldn't be happy it would just be normal and so the quality and the degree of happiness that you're able to experience on this Earth is directly related to the degree of negative icky experiences that you've had here on this earth and the time that you spent there the intensity of that negativity now you can experience to the opposite degree the intensity of the

positivity I think this is so huge to understand especially coming from the trauma that we have like it isn't all for nothing right you went through this stuff not because I know this may be sound crazy but you went through this stuff not because you were so misfortunate and poor us poor me I'm a victim and my life has been terrible and I am just a martyr I was meant to be a martyr for the rest of my life I remember saying that exact thing to my ex years ago maybe I'm just meant to be like the sacrificial land maybe I'm just a martyr I believed it I fully believed it but it's not just about all of the Doom and Gloom that's not what my life is about if I have experienced that then

I am made and meant for the most euphoric joyful experiences as well so to continue on with that my pain your pain essentially gives you the key to all of the happiness that you would like to create right this was your ticket in to this amazing life that you're creating for yourself you just actually have to take the ticket and purpose it the potential is there I like to think of it all like whatever you want to create in your life it's all sitting in a room somewhere for you or in an area all you have to do is stick the key in unlock it and access it it's all there nobody else is going to access the things that you want they're there for you waiting but in order to get there in

order to take advantage of all of the goodness you have to be willing to experience negative emotion I think we all have experience of having negatives happen not at our choosing like when life was happening at us into us and as we were sort of just rolling with the punches right but now going and living life intentionally and creating purpose for yourself creating a meaningful life moving forward we have to choose negative emotion because we know that with negative emotion comes the rewards as well it's not like that you have to go through the fire in order to get to the to the prize I mean yeah yes and no kind of it's all together like when we stop seeing negative emotion as so

negative then we can also experience the positive emotion and it's not going to be such like uh so much suffering so Mark Manson poses the question in the book and in this article too is not what is it that you want what do you want to create what is your purpose in life but what are you willing to struggle for what are you willing to go through that walk through that fire for that is Will weed out all of the noise and all of the uh idealistic I want more money and I want a better job and I want the best relationship and I want blah blah blah when you ask yourself what are you willing to endure all of a sudden the options become less I loved being and calling myself an artist back in the day

I still I guess I kind of consider myself to be you know an artist but I never really wanted to put the time in in order to better myself in the art world and so to me that was not a worthwhile purpose I mean it's not that I didn't enjoy it but did I want to spend all my waking hours and choose that over other things that I could be doing not really it just wasn't actually for me in the end and now doing what I do now I would choose it again and again and again this is a passion of mine right and I would move all the mountains in order to continue it the same thing with working out this is probably an overused comparison but if you are somebody that enjoys working out and

enjoys the soreness the muscle soreness when you go to the gym you know the day after you go to the gym if you get a rush from running out in the middle of the day like the hottest time of the day heat like I do I love to go running during the hottest most miserable time in the day because I like the feeling that I get when I'm midun sweating like crazy Sun beating down I love that feeling of Agony masochistic but I do I enjoy that pain when I'm lifting weights that burn that I'm getting during the workout to just get one more or four more reps because I know in the end that I'm causing myself to become stronger right I like thoroughly enjoy that I don't know if I did to begin with but once I

learned what I was doing with my body and that each time that I felt that burn that that was because I was making microscopic tears in my in my muscles so that they could build Scar Tissue essentially and get bigger I was like I am in sign me up let's keep doing this not a personal trainer but I enjoy that stuff it's the struggle that I choose like I really love doing that so I think that I always will go to the gym I will always go out of my way to coach other people other parents like me going through trauma and grief of not spending time with their children those are things that I know I've chosen them and I always will I'll probably always choose the pain of having animals in my

life and it's awful sometimes and sometimes I want to like what am I thinking and it is a struggle sometimes but I also love it so much what I want to ask you is what are you willing to endure in order to get you where you want to go like what are the things that you will struggle for pick your poison with the pain that you choose you know that to me because in order to get anything that we want in life we are going to have to put in I mean this is so cliche and it's so known but we got to put in the work you got have to put in the work in order to get get where you want to go and when you find that that thing or those things that you are willing to suffer and struggle for then

it's not going to feel so much of a struggle for me the gym isn't really a struggle at all I feel the burn like literally feel that but I love it doing what I do with my clients and spending sometimes 18 hours a day doing it and doing all the the boring back work that y'all don't see I love it and I would do it over and over and over again because I love it even the editing and the the the shitty parts of it I still love it I live for it some call that crazy that's okay I call it a passion feel like that that's like a song Maybe that's don't call it a comeb back anyway what are you willing to struggle for I posted this quote in the private Facebook group the other day and

it the quote was by roomie and it was what you seek is seeking you and I was waiting for somebody to come back with the response that did actually end up coming back from one of the the other parents in there and they said I seek my my children this is the response that I know that I would have had just a few years ago I would have had one track mind yeah I seek my children and I would have used this full as a reason to set myself apart and like see I'm the except exception to the rule and I'll never be happy because the thing things that I seek are not seeking me I'm there's a block between me and the things that I want and that I desire and so I was waiting for somebody to respond back

with this right I want my children and they don't want me and the question I POS back what is it that you think that having your children home with you will provide you what is the emotion or the experience that you believe they will give or that circumstance will give you whatever the answer is to that it's usually at peace it would cause me to feel content loved purposeful confident in creating a a better life moving forward whatever you think that your children are going to provide for you you have the option to feel that and provide that for yourself right now in the moment because your children actually never provide you the feelings the emotions that you're Desiring the

result that you're Desiring it's your thoughts that you have about whatever they do or don't do or the thoughts that you think or and emotions that you think that you will have when that day comes but when we're always placing it outside of us and in their hands then it never will actually come as sweet as when we do it for our own selves you know what I'm saying so when it comes to to back to that what are you willing to struggle for this question I think is was so key in my whole mindset around what I was willing to struggle for with my child because when I was the one deciding do I want to struggle for my child which battles am I going to pick that all of a

sudden it didn't become them meaning the alienating parent in his wife my daughter's stepmom making me struggle it wasn't being done at me I was making the choice on whether I was wanting to struggle for my end goal to remain committed to um trusting and believing that one day we will come back together like because of the fact that I made that choice long ago to struggle for this because it was something that I believed in like I will always choose to struggle for my daughter to an extent like I'm not going to unnecessarily struggle and suffer but I am choosing this for us on purpose that is my choice they don't make me struggle anymore I choose this I choose this because it's

one of my purposes and because I choose it the effort and the struggle it's almost non-existent because I've already made that a that that is who I am that is what I do you know but when somebody else it's done at the hand of somebody else it is exhausting because we it's the mindset is it's being done at us we just don't know which way it's coming from they're always they so unpredictable and every holiday that comes around oh she didn't call me on my birthday oh she didn't call me on Mother's Day I didn't hear from her again it's been however many months I you guys I me I understand this is how you do it because I was there right but I want to say that if you want

to stop feeling that way and stop looking at your watch or looking at the calendar looking at holidays going through them and feeling disappointed feeling let down feeling done wrong feeling like you are being made to struggle then make the decision one way or the other about how you want to live it moving forward because it honestly you making the decision like I'm struggling for this this is my choice this is my challenge here it after that to me it feels like the rest sort of just Falls away I don't know how I'll explain that I'm tired and it's late but like it's not the burden that it once was when it wasn't my choice you know so what are the struggles that you are willing to go

for and for what what purpose are you willing to pursue knowing that you will endure because once you know that it's never really a a huge burden or a pain just like going to the gym it's like yeah the burn is just part of it when you feel the muscle burn then you're doing it right when I feel like a little bit of the letdown which I don't really feel I wouldn't even call it let down but when I get rejected over and over or don't get the calls this is just part of it that just means I'm doing it right you know this this is how you get get there this is me committing to the relationship it's not like I'm being done wrong at this point this is just I know I'm doing it right

because I here I am I keep showing up and I'm not getting tired so anyway that's really what I wanted to get to today out of all of what I just said today that's really the point that I wanted to get to is when you make the decision to walk through the fire then the rest of it it's not even hot the coals aren't hot it's all for something and the more that you get clear on your purposes and why you you are pursuing them the less that you are going to want to procrastinate the less that this will be an issue so when back to the beginning with the procrastinating when you're procrastinating just remind yourself that it's happening most often well it's always happening because of a

fear when we're not talking about like the little things right like the taking out of trash and whatever like the menial things that were're just don't feel like doing because it's uncomfortable for the bigger more emotional things it is because of fear of losing out or fear of the unknown and the losing out could be like if we're talking about our custody situation the fear of losing out or facing the possible losing our role as active parent in our children's lives and just keep reminding yourself in the moments that want to run and turn the other way that that role ultimately nobody can take away from you from the time that they were born until the end of time you

are their parent would love for you to haven't signed homework in a long time for the podcast but start considering what purposes you're willing to struggle for what's important to you and what are you willing to endure all right that's all I have for you because I'm exhausted bye thanks so much for listening today if you like what you're hearing and you'd like to hear more please make sure to click subscribe wherever you're listening or watching also for bite-sized clips and tips be sure to find me on Tik Tok or Instagram see you next week