Stress Will Wreak Havoc: Learn How to Reverse It for Alienated Parents

you are listening to the Beyond The High Road podcast with Shelby Milford episode number 124 stay tuned welcome to be on the high road a podcast dedicated to Healing your heart and life following the grief of alienation I'm your host Shelby mford a twice certified life coach specializing in post-traumatic growth if you're experiencing the effects of alienation and you're ready to heal then this show is my love letter to you stay tuned hey y'all so I've just tried to record this episode three times in a row to no avail the first time my mic was not on and I recorded the whole episode and then other things happened but it got me to thinking about the content that I was

already delivering so I'm just going to go ahead and be real with you what's going on this week has been I can't say it's the worst week of My Life by any means there's just been a lot going on for me healthwise recently by recently I mean for the last eight years but like this week it's all sort of coming to a head and so I'm tired I mean probably a little bit emotionally tired and mentally and also my body physically tired too and I wasn't going to like times before while recording just now I wasn't bringing it up and I was pushing my way through the episode presenting the the content that I had planned for you but it wasn't real it's not really what's going on with me me and though I

can do that sometimes for for a purpose today it just wasn't working so this is what you get today um and there will be a message in there somewhere I have been experiencing all of these symptoms for years now since 2017 um I put it all together this earlier well last weekend wrote it all all the symptoms down and looked at when I first started I can remember anyway when I first started noticing the symptoms and was pretty surprised by what was right in front of me see I tell you the power of writing stuck down it does amazing things for you the things that you have been ignoring and I'm talking about now with mental health see you leave it to me to to bring everything back to a good thought

download you know it's amazing how we will ignore or discount some really telltale signs of whatever it is that we had going on with us at the time and for me this was this has been a long sent of health problems really before I even tell you about it the reason I decided to share it in fact the version that was right before this didn't have it in there but then I was thinking about it and I was like you know what if one of you guys or maybe what if many of you guys have something similar going on with you and you're not fully seeing it for what it is or whatever maybe what if it else somebody you know so here goes so I'm just going to tell you what I know again not a big deal everything's

going to be fine but also at the same time this is a progressive situation for me anyway and the earlier it's CAU then the better because then I can do something about it right there's answers so as you guys know most recently you might know anyway I've had this all day all night pain in my hip groin just screaming aching pain 24/7 wakes me up when I'm sleeping uh during the day like right now even it's screaming um and it's been like that for I guess like a month now um this is what really brought it to a head my doctor sent me to go get a blood test and those results just came back this weekend but before they did come back I sat my happy ass down at my computer and

pulled up my notes app and started writing down all my symptoms from as early as I could remember the occurences how they showed up like for my first symptom that I can remember was the extreme excruciating burning pain like somebody was holding a lighter to my toe um that lasted it would come and go for like bouts of time I could never put together piece together what what would trigger it but for like three months stin during that three months it would flare up and then come down and whatever around the same time frame I was getting numbness in my fingers and toes I dismissed it because the after going test after test and eventually the oncologist even to all

the doctors the neurologist looking at is their nerve damage because the numbness and tingling that I had in my hands and in my feet in my arms later then my symptoms would change again and so that's why I never thought anything was related then I had trigger fingers trigger thumb stiffness in my hands I couldn't hold a coffee cup in the morning sometimes I still pant or I drop things very easily and I didn't know I thought maybe it's cuz I cracked my Knuckles when I was a kid I still do I just wasn't you know I didn't know but I know it's not always it's not every day all the time unless something's going on and then it is anyway so I had the hand pain I've had surgeries on that I was

diagnosed with bilateral carpal tunnel by that neurologist she did all the tests you know the little shock test or whatever I've had ankle issues that's been going on for like the past 3 years I could go on there's been a list of things and then most recently my the whole hit and low back thing right both hips bilateral it has just been a 247 Maggy making pain and then that I think is what caused that the back pinch nerve or whatever but because nothing seemed to be consistent like none of the symptoms except for the tingling and numbness nothing ever really stay seemed to stay consistent so I just thought that they were all unrelated after writing them all down this weekend and

talking them over with a doctor not my doctor and then my doctor we think it might be rheumatoid aritis so that's like an autoimmune thing it's not just like regular arthritis and also there's other things that have happened that all point to this and not that I'm happy about this diagnosis in fact I'm this really suck you know I've been still processing it um I'm waiting for some other test to come back and I've got to do it anymore whatever to get the result back but I am glad if it if it is that I am glad that we're catching it now because it's a progressive situation you know and so the longer that I'm not treated or not diagnosed the longer I go on without that the worst it would get

without my knowledge so there's that you know um I'm happy if it if it is that I'm aware of it now and also it's kind of a relief to have an explanation for all of these unexplainable symptoms that I've been having and the exhaustion extreme fatigue unexplainable fatigue um a lot of things fit in in together it's not just the ra if that happens to be the theme and there's also other other factors that come into play but anyway not necessarily the point for y'all today I have been I'm emotionally mentally physically drained if I'm being honest with you guys about it it's just been um I know I like I said I'm still processing SP um I don't know what I'm making that mean for me like that this

whole situation mean for me in the long run I know what statistics say about it and that it shortens your lifespan and stuff and so that sucks so anyway there's a lot of processing I'm like I said I'm just being straight up with you guys very candid about this I I guess my the public service announcement here is if you think something's going on with you listen to your intuition and they'll get a check don't dwell on it don't worry and stress and WebMD it to the point where you're um obsessing on it right but go take the steps to get something done I truly believe that knowing when the onsets of my symptoms hit whether or not it runs in my family I don't know I truly believe that stress

and that inflammation that stress causes everybody people can bring out dis disease in us I know for cancer when the body is inflamed that cells split multiply and so disease spreads faster in the body when we are in an unmanaged stress spot and I'm not saying that to scare you I'm really saying that as a I guess a story of empowerment self- responsibility going back to when it all occurred when all the symptoms started what was happening if I look back at when the alienation started the alienation tactics are strategy started from the get but really it was like by the time Court was over and he actually had her for longer since you know it was like probably 2010 or 2011 when really

the alienation started to take a toll on me I just wanted to argue with myself because I know that we had all the court appearances and everything before that from 2009 on anyway doesn't matter the buildup of that over however many what whatever that was six seven years time it makes sense speaking about the effects of stress on your body inflammation on your body and how that manifests inside of you as a result um I guess it's just for me it's more proof that how we deal with our stress is so important how we look at all of the stress the things that we can control and the things that we can't and how much extra I think it's important to consider how much extra stress we add

onto our plate because of the way that we're thinking about it just this whole experience and and this coming to a head this weekend and over this week it just solidified to me solidifies even more how important it is to manage your mind effectively around the things that we can't control and knowing good bad how however you want to label it how you can Empower yourself and act in the most mindful I guess thought out way for you and for your kids moving forward it's so important because happens and for me back in the day when these symptoms started I didn't know what was going on and before the symptoms even began before it started to show up in my body I had no clue no clue how to handle my

2-year-old coming home from Dad's house with her fingernails painted black and strange perfume all over her in her hair I have no idea how to handle her coming home with her bangs cut when she never had her bangs cut I had no clue how to handle stalking the harassment the constant emails the that we as alienated parents deal with I mean it is not easy stuff not stuff that we're taught you know how to deal with not in an effective helpful way and way at least I wasn't being alienated from Mark kids no matter how alienated you are you know how strong the strategies have been whether or not you're speaking to your kid now just the mere fact that you feel apart from your child and somebody else

has been standing in the way of you and your children is a lot you know I will never deny that it is so much it is not normal if you will it's not uh what we expected of Our Lives when I thought about becoming a mom this was never in the cards and I know that I probably speak for every single one of you out there when I when I see this the stress is off the charts for us and that is why it is so so important that you learn how to every day all the time while you're sleeping while you're awake while you're driving while you're working while you're sitting while you're cleaning while you're whistling I don't give a manage your mind effective L it is so important because

like if I could pick just a few of the things that alienation causes one of them of course is isolation isolation from our kids isolation from our the community this is one that we all suffer from huge whether it's just in our minds or actually physically too when we're you're managing your mind properly I could be alone and I'm sure you've heard me say this before if you listened to any of the episodes I could be alone for months on end and today not feel lonely right because of the what I'm thinking the how I'm thinking about my being alone like my physical status if you will I know that I belong where before that was not the case at all I felt like I was out in an island another one of

the things that we all suffer from is the feeling of rejection feeling betrayed or devalued what have you right when you're managing your mind correctly you know that nobody can actually devalue you it's their thoughts that are saying that so then when I don't feel devalued like I know that I am full of value and fully worthy then I don't experience the stress of their actions to devalue or their whatever it is that they're doing does that make sense so if you're thinking this is a stressful situation this is a bad stressful situation then that is going to affect you internally the way that your brain takes it in and how then your body responds to it whether your nervous

system goes into stress response or not that's what causes all the bad effect the quotequote bad effects the health problems the adverse effects come from the way that we take in the things that are happening to us like me this rheumatoid arthritis this autoimmune disease that came up I am convinced that knowing when this all the symptoms started showing up that it came from the stress and the way that I was not able to deal with it and so thank God that I just so happened to get on this path of learning how to manage my mind when I did back in the day so I started this like what 2019 I guess and though uh the effects didn't come right away and I didn't become great at managing my mind

immediately and learning how to think about things in a way that helped me over time it sure as hell did here I am today and the things that would have stressed me before I can see them as working for me as opportunities to grow from before I had none of those tools learning and knowing what's mine to stress about if you will or and what's the extra suffering that my brain put on top of it there was a huge if I was to to to guess right now I would say 80% even in the height of alienation 80% of the stress I was under back then 80 is kind of a high number let's say 70 was due to the way that I was receiving the alienation you know what I'm saying which is through no fault of my own

right I just wasn't given the tools neither we most of us anyway who knows how to prepare for something like that but the thoughts that I would I would choose to think at the time I don't know I I wasn't consciously created like 100% more stress in my life do you hear what I'm saying like I wasn't able to find my power because I was thinking in a very disempowered way and so that I believe created before I started this work created a lot of undue stress inside of me on top of the stress that I couldn't control the situations that I couldn't control so I'm so thankful that and it just so happened to be that I came to doing this work on learning how to manage my mind like thought work and

learning how to intentionally feel and do in my life so that I wasn't a victim to my life anymore as a result ofation the fact that I did it started that when I did I think is such a huge huge benefit for me like my S and Grace so I just managing your minds everything as I always I mean I preach it you guys but I really truly believe it especially after getting this uh diagnosis um this week for me I just urge you just please be kind to yourself and offer yourself Grace and understanding and also learn to empower yourself in all the choices you make every day thanks so much for listening today if you like what you're hearing and you'd like to hear more please make sure

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