Are you an alienated parent feeling disconnected and powerless? In this episode, Shelby Milford uncovers the hidden science and hope behind family bonds, even in the face of estrangement. Learn how to reclaim your power, shift your energy, and start healing—no matter how distant your child may seem.

 

Main Talking Points  

• The Illusion of Separation: Why you’re never truly disconnected from your child, even when alienation feels absolute.
• Family as a Living Network: How emotional patterns and healing ripple through your family, just like mycelium connects trees in a forest.
• Raising Your Frequency: The real meaning of “vibration” and how changing your internal state can transform your experience as an alienated parent.
• From Victim to Creator: How shifting your mindset from powerlessness to self-respect changes what you bring to your family system.
• Actionable Healing: Simple, honest steps to start breaking cycles of shame and create a healthier emotional environment for yourself and your children.

 

Key Takeaways 

 

• You are still connected to your child, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
• Your personal healing changes the emotional “nutrients” you send through your family’s network.
• Focus on what you can control—your own mindset and actions.
• Small, compassionate shifts in your daily life can create big changes over time.
• Don’t put your happiness on hold for a specific outcome; your growth matters now.

 ⁠ How trees talk to each other | Suzanne Simard⁠- ⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Un2yBgIAxYs⁠ 

 

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Episode Transcript

 

Introduction to Beyond The High Road Podcast

You are listening to The Beyond The High Road Podcast with Shelby Milford, episode number 169.  Welcome to Beyond the High Road, a podcast dedicated to healing your heart and life following the grief of alienation. I'm your host, Shelby Milford, a twice certified life coach specializing in post-traumatic growth. If you're experiencing the effects of alienation and you're ready to heal, then this show is my love letter to you.

Stay tuned. 

Hello everybody. How are we doing today?

Recap of Last Week's Episode

So we, last week we talked about failure as you know, if you watched or listened, um, and about how easy it is to believe that your life is just a string of painful events, circumstances happening to you, um, and how powerful it can be too when you start to shift your energy and see yourself as an  active creator in your story instead of just a casualty in it, right? 

So today I wanna build on that, um, and I'm gonna bring together three ideas that you actually have heard from me before.

Exploring Quantum Entanglement and Illusion of Separation

Um,  one is quantum entanglement. I talked about it just. Almost exactly a year ago. And the illusion of separation,   📍 📍 📍 📍 two is the mycelium networks in forests and then we're gonna talk about what people often call raising your frequency as we've been talking about, like we talked about last week.

Um, and also we talked about it in the happiness setpoint episode, right? So

last year, like I just said, a year ago, we talked about the illusion of separation. That at the deepest levels of reality,  things are never as separate as they seem, or look.  Quantum physics shows us that there are systems so deeply linked that distance doesn't break the relationship between them.

Doesn't matter how far galaxies away, quantum physics has shown that a particle. Two separate particles. One particle can be manipulated and the other particle responds, reacts instantaneously, like in, in the very second that the first particle was shifted. So I'm not saying that your love, by the way, is a physics experiment, but I am saying that the feeling of being totally cut off being totally alone is not the full truth of who you are or what you're connected to.

 So I think that that is really, really helpful to think about and remind yourself in the moments, maybe on holidays, um, when you're feeling alone and disconnected, okay, that I'm, maybe I'm not seeing the full truth.  

The Mycelium Network: Connection Beneath the Surface

So this year I want to bring that same idea down below our feet, below the earth, literally.

Under a forest, there's a living web of fungal threads called mycelium, and through that underground network, trees and fungi move nutrients, warnings, and even stress signals through,

what happens to one part of the forest doesn't just stay in that part of the forest and in the very same way you and your child are not just two isolated trees out in the middle of nowhere. You are part of a shared emotional underground, a family system where what you have lived and what you are healing now still matters. In fact, matters more than ever.  

Understanding Frequency and Vibration

And then there's this word that gets thrown around a lot, especially, , in more recent days, right? Which is frequency and your vibration. Two words actually, in a very real sense, everything in this universe is a vibration, 

your body, your brain, your voice, your nervous system, they're all patterns of energy in motion. Um, when I talk about raising your frequency, I don't mean pretending everything is fine or trying to manifest your way out of grief, okay? I mean, changing the actual state that you're living in,

the emotional and energetic pattern that you're broadcasting, so that you start resonating with different experiences and activating a different reality in your physical life as a result. So in this episode, we're gonna move through those three layers. The first is the illusion of separation. How you bond with your child and your power as the creator are still present  even during estrangement, alienation, whatever's going on with you.  Second is the mycelium picture. How your family system is like a living network, and how your healing changes, what flows through that network from your side.

and third, the vibration resonance and activation. How the frequency you live in trains your brain, your choices, and your relationships. To repeat the same old story  or to slowly, steadily create a new one. Okay. And actually slowly, steadily when I wrote that it doesn't need to be slowly, steadily, it can be a decision and sometimes changes happen much quicker than you think.

And I'm, I, I definitely have, uh, experience with, with both right? Things Taking a little while and also other times where I just made the decision and things happening pretty ins instant, you know?  Um, so if you're alienated or estranged parent, you're tired of feeling like a victim of random acts of crap, then this is your invitation to look at the invisible patterns under the surface and to start shifting the energy that you're actually vibrating in without blaming yourself and without bypassing your grief.

 

So

 let's get into it.

Okay. So what I said last year is, I'm gonna give you the exact quote that way it's better. I said,  according to quantum physics, a particle vibrating due to your sound when you speak, can affect a molecule inside of a star at the edge of the universe instantly.

Doesn't take minutes, years, whatever, instantly. Okay? And so this is known as quantum entanglement. The greatest illusion of this universe is the illusion of separation.  ? So now I want to take it from up there to down below us on this earth. 

So a while back, I don't know if it was a couple years ago. Anyway, in the, since I've lived here, I watched a special, maybe you guys have seen it too. It was a David Attenborough, I think, special. I could probably go look it up. In fact, I did last week. It wasn't Planet Earth though, but it was a similar one.

I think it was A BB, C. Network special about the planet and one of the things that they talked about there, and it was like fascinating to me. I remember being sitting up in my bed and being like in awe that there are these leaf cutter ants

That change what they feed on, depending on what the ground below and the fungi tells them it needs.  So basically the fungi, communicated to the ants in whatever language or frequency, whenever it needed something different for its diet.

And it would send the ants up the leaf cutter ants up and cut out different parts of whatever leaf it was that it wanted and bring those down to the fungi. And I was like.  What are we talking about here? What kind of voodoo is this? You know, it seemed crazy that not only one that ants could actually talk to each other and bees and all that stuff, but that fungi like this.

plant could speak to ants in a way that Ants knew, could communicate back and forth and bring it what it was actually asking for. It crazy to me  anyway, so that got me thinking, and I've been thinking of stewing on this from whenever I saw it, right.

Then I'd heard about before a little bit here and there, and it actually could have been on this special or a different one. I love those specials about how trees can talk to each other and how they take care of each other. Uh, this could have been on like a Saturday special or something. And then what I found out after doing, getting curious this last week or whatever, is that  the trees can talk to each other and send each other nutrients.

Through a very similar network  

So underneath the forest, there's a living web of fungal threads called mycelium. You don't see it when you walk through the trees, but it's everywhere. It's. threading through the soil, wrapping around the roots and connecting plants that look totally separate.

Plants and trees that look totally separate on the surface, right through that underground network. Trees and fungi move all kinds of things. They move nutrients, carbon, water, minerals,  they move stress signals, even chemical  messages that say I'm under attack.

There's a pest here. Whatever it is. Some species even help each other out. Older, stronger trees sending messages to the younger ones or to seedlings that would never survive on their own.  In fact, um, I watched through all of this research and looking up the facts on the mycelium.

I watched a TED talk with. This lady who was kind of the pioneer in learning about these quote unquote talking trees. Um, she grew up, I believe, in Canada. You guys, I'll put the link in the below so that you guys can go watch it. But she grew up in Canada and her father had a love of the forest. And so she grew up developing this passion for it too.

Went on to do other things and came back, went back to school and really studied this hard. And she had a theory and so she performed this experiment where she injected a radioactive form of carbon, I believe, into three or four different kinds, kinds of trees.

Birch and I, I forget. And Cedar was one for sure too. Uh, 'cause cedar was the outlier.  But, um, she injected this carbon into the trees and check them and confirm that. Trees do actually pass nutrients along their, you know, through their roots. And what connects the roots if the roots aren't actually connecting.

You know, is this mycelium, this fungi underneath the ground.  that fungi acts as like the crow, you know, like back in the day. The messaging system really, that goes back and forth between them.  Which ties into this, what I was fascinated by with this David Attenborough thing, and these and the ants, you know, absolutely mind blown by it.

So

 it's not a Disney movie though. It's not all happy things. There's a competition down there too, and disease and struggle, all of it. But the important point is this is what happens to one part of the forest does not stay isolated,  There's a shared underground system where life information and sometimes toxicity are moving all the time. 

📍 📍 📍 📍

Applying the Mycelium Metaphor to Family Systems

I want you to try on the idea that , your family is like that. On the surface, it might look like a bunch of separate trees. You over here, your child over there, your ex, your parents, their parents, all of these individual trunks that may not even be speaking to each other, but underneath there is a shared soil and a shared network. 

Okay? So the soil, if we're using this metaphor to connect everything, the soil would be equivalent to the climate. the emotional climate that you all grew in. The beliefs about love, loyalty, conflict, success, and failure. What's safe to feel? What's allowed, and what gets you punished.

The network is your nervous system wiring the way that your nervous systems are wired themselves around each other over time.  How you learn to read faces and tones, how you learn to brace or relax, how you learn to handle stress and shame, in that emotional mycelium, nutrients travel, things like protection, encouragement, affection, inside jokes.

Rituals, all the ways that you try to show up as a loving parent.  And toxins have also traveled. Okay. It's not just all the good stuff.  Things like unhealed, trauma from your own childhood, patterns of criticism or withdrawal secrets, triangulation. 

The ways that adults use kids to manage their own pain. You know, None of us grew up in a perfectly clean forest. Every family has a mix of medicine and poison in the soil.  When alienation happens, it can feel like your tree has been cut off from the forest.

No calls, no messages. Maybe active hostility. .  Maybe total silence. It's so easy to believe that it's over, right? That there's no connection, that you're all alone. That maybe even everything I poured into that relationship was all for nothing. They don't love me anymore. However, right? From a systems perspective, though, from this mycelium perspective, it's not actually true.

Your child is still standing in the same emotional soil they grew up in. They're all still carrying the same nervous system wiring that was shaped in part by your presence. In fact, probably, I would bet by a massive part on your, side. Okay? You are still reacting to the same network of memories, meanings, and patterns.

Even if you're sitting alone at your kitchen table, you're both still plugged into the invisible underworld of your family system. So now here's where your power comes in, and the power comes in as you can't dig up the entire forest and you can't control how every root every fungus, and every other tree is behaving,

you cannot force your child to reconnect with you or your ex to stop poisoning the soil. That is not your job, but you can change the chemistry around your own roots, okay? That's what you have control of is  what you are passing through the roots.  When you start doing your healing work and you learn to regulate your nervous system, when you,  stop gaslighting yourself, when you tell the truth about what happened, what didn't happen for you,  you are changing the nutrients and the toxins that are coming from your side of a network.

Okay? If your entire inner life has been soaked in shame, I failed. I ruined everything. I'm a terrible parent. They hate me. Um, My life will always be this way. However, that's one kind of chemical signal, That's a toxin that you keep feeding back into the soil. It affects how you talk about yourself, how you show up in court, how you message your child if you can, and how you move through the world.

It keeps the whole system bathed in a certain vibration,  when you start to shift into, I'm a loving parent, moving through a challenging situation, it's entirely possible to build a beautiful and meaningful life. Even while I miss my child. I am and always will be enough. I'm infinitely powerful. Those kinds of thoughts, beliefs really created a completely different chemical profile for you, 

that shows up in your body, your voice and the way that you operate. Doing so will change. What moves through the network from you. Okay? You may not see the effect right away in a forest. When the soil changes, it takes time for the trees to look different.

Right? Roots adjust. Fungi adjust new growth. Takes time. The same is true here. Your child may not be ready to feel that shift or respond to it yet.

And other people, in the system may resist it, but the work that you are doing on your side is definitely not nothing. It is not pointless. It is choosing to stop feeding the my, with certain poisons, like self-hatred, constant panic, or the belief that you are powerless, okay?

And to start feeding it with something different. Grounded self-respect, clear boundaries, honest grief and intention. You are still part of the network.

 You always will be. No matter what is said on the other side, you always will be. You are ingrained. You are literally interwoven into their framework and them you,  alienation changes the surface of the relationship in some really brutal ways, but it does not erase what's happening and what has happened underground. So when you feel like, what does it matter? If I heal they're gone. They hate me. None of this will ever change. I want you to picture that forest. I want you to picture the threads underneath your feet and your child's feet and everyone else is too.

You may not be able to choose whether they walk back towards you, but you absolutely can choose what kind of energy, what kind of chemistry is moving through your roots into the system, what you are feeding that system? You may not be able to Fix the whole forest, but you cont tend to the soil around your own roots, and that is where your power lives.

Okay?

So whatever you're feeling inside of you, whatever you're intentionally choosing inside of you, you're going to send out to the world and through that soil,

so that brings me to the next part.  

Shifting Your Energy and Frequency

📍 📍 📍 📍 You are always sending out a vibration, like always, whether you want to be sending out a vibration or not, it's happening. It happens by what you focus on the most. So whatever thought you're thinking, you've heard me say this a million times over, but whatever thought you're thinking, if that's the strongest, like most dominant thought in your mind, that is what is going to come to fruition in your life.

Even if you're saying, I don't want that to happen, like I don't want my ex to, write me nasty emails or something, right? Because you're saying that not only is it that you're gonna interpret everything that , he or she writes as nasty or evil or mean, you know, but also whatever you give your energy the most activates that thing.

So your brain doesn't know the difference. If we're looking at it at a neuroscience level, your brain doesn't know the difference between positive and negative. It just knows of like the subject part of it, right? So 

I don't wanna go, I don't know where this came from, but I don't wanna go roller skating. 'cause every time I go roller skating, it makes me fall. I trip and I skin my knee. Well, if you, let's say you go roller skating, or maybe even not, you're just walking. If you're constantly worrying about tripping and skinning your knee, guess what's gonna happen?

You don't want it, but you're so focused on tripping and skinning your knee that your brain's like, oh, what? We don't wanna skin our knee. Well that's what we're gonna do. We're gonna trip and skin our knee. And you know, confirmation bias, and we have the reticular activating system, which is what filters information, which causes confirmation bias.   📍 It's like the red car rule. I think that's what they call it, is if you were going shopping for a car and you really wanted a red car, now all you see is red cars.

That's coming from your reticular, activating system,  now, I'm gonna give an example now with like your situation of alienation or somebody's situation of alienation. So even if you say back to the, I don't want something, if you're focusing on my ex's evil, and they always write me nasty emails.

If you're focused on that regardless, you're going to make that happen. And not only like confirmation bias, are you gonna find any email that they write to be nasty and crappy, and you're gonna detect tone coming from the belief that you have that they're always writing nasty emails, right? That's there.

 

If you want something different than what you like, let's say. You don't want them to be nasty instead of focusing on what you don't want from them. And I've talked about this before, don't focus on what you don't want. 'cause the resistance in your world is gonna lower your frequency. And I'm actually gonna talk about this.

I probably did this out of order, but I'm just gonna say it this way anyway, and then I'll back it up with some science. So if you are in resistance or . Avoiding in your life and your fear is kind of driving you, then that's gonna lower your frequency. Right? so If you want something to happen instead of,  I can remember Matt McConney, he, uh, years ago doing like 2020, doing a college graduation speech.

And he said something about, if you don't know what you want, then focus come up with all the things that you don't want. And I was like,  no. In my mind I was like, why? I like most of the stuff he says, but I didn't like that. I get it on one level. Because when you know what you don't want, then you can go ahead and by knowing what you don't want, you can look at the things that are the opposite of that and then focus on that.

Sure. If you actually focus on that. But most people will go to the negative because that's the way our brains work. And then stay with what we don't want, which creates a really bad outcome for us most of the time. Right.  So instead of focusing on like your ex being evil, align yourself with what you do want and what is in your control.

Obviously, like my ex sends lots of emails and I'm the person that knows that he or she can handle whatever comes her way and that whatever's happening in these emails and whatever I'm learning through this is gonna bring me to the highest version of me, right? Maybe something amazing. I'm gonna learn a skill tolerance, patience, whatever.

holding true to what you believe, whatever it is, that it's going to create amazing things, magic in my life. You know? So instead of focusing on resisting the X and their behavior, you're focusing on what you do with it. No matter what comes, because what they do is whatever, you know, like I said, it could just be squawking, right?

It's what you decide to do with that.  You want to focus on you and not idolizing the outcome outside of you.  And I can talk about this in all different ways when it comes to outcomes these results that we want in our lives, and we put those up on a pedestal, and by putting that thing up on a pedestal, we give our power away to whatever outcome is up there.

So it's like the same thing is saying, I'll be happy when whatever, blah, blah, blah, a, b, c happens, right? But then you're saying that setting up to the universe and to yourself that. You can only be happy then, which limits you. And actually, again, puts that thing the outcome up on a pedestal, which will never be enough when you get there.

Okay? So instead,  you wanna position yourself as the person who creates whatever it is that aligns with what you truly want for you. Okay? Align yourself with what you want. Letting go of your grip on what you don't want is basically what I'm saying.   📍 📍 📍 📍 So now I'm gonna go into, that was kind of like the neuroscience of it, but now I'm gonna go into the energy portion of it, which I promised you last week that we would really continue to dive into today.

The Science of Vibration and Frequency

So as far as physics go, this is basic physics because y'all, I am not good with it. But this, I do know, it's like law of attraction stuff, but not the kind of law of attraction like wwe, that doesn't have any. I think for a long time, law of attraction got a bad rap because it was maybe being overly used and.

I wanna say maybe misused, I don't know. It depends on the person and the application. But anyway, , I judged it harshly back in the day. But let's go from physics, simple physics,  everything is always moving. Everything is always moving. I don't care what we're talking about. In fact, I just, as I'm saying this, I've got all these notes and of course I go off my notes all the time. 

But um, the other day I saw a really good, I told you I've been on a break from social media, but the one time I went on, somebody sent me a message through Instagram and I went on and somehow got sucked in for all of life. Three minutes into, I didn't get sucked in. I allowed it to happen. But I saw this short about how mushrooms, right, fungi, they vibrate all the time at a much higher level than other plants and whatever else do.

So when they vibrate, how whoever did this attached the mushrooms, the fungi, to whatever system that transferred their vibration into, uh, a frequency, into playing music. And it was so freaking cool . Anyway, besides the point for right now, I just got all excited about that.

And then of course I couldn't explain it properly. It doesn't matter that way. So, everything's always moving At the smallest level, nothing is truly solid, right? Science shows that atoms and the tiny strings of energy that make them up are in a constant state of motion, right? Even a rock or a table is actually a buzzing mass vibrating at a specific speed,

known as its frequency. Everything has a frequency and , is vibrating. Right? We don't see it because, because, but it's happening. So your frequency or a things frequency acts like a radio station. And for you in your body, um, depending on what frequency you're tuned to, you pick up a different station,

or reality. So your nervous system is also vibrational electric spikes, brainwaves, hormonal cycles, what have you.

Lower frequencies are often associated with heavy or slow energy. Like fear, anger, whatever, stress, uh, frustration, stuff like that, right? In this state, your mind is tuned to see obstacles, conflict, and limitations. Okay? Higher frequencies associated with fast or light energy, such as joy, gratitude, and love.

When you vibrate at that level, you become tuned to notice opportunities, connections, and solutions that you simply couldn't see before.

So frequency is simply how fast something is oscillating. Rhythm is the pattern of those O oscillations, so on an emotional physiological vibration, your body and nervous system are full of rhythms. Your heart rate, your breath, your brain waves, your. And cycles a state of chronic fear and shame has a very different feel, right?

A different vibrational pattern than a state of grounded self-respect, um, self-advocacy, what have you, right? That pattern, this pattern shows up in your tone of voice, your posture, your facial expressions, the micro choices you make. Under pressure, et cetera, et cetera. And especially, I wanted to put the micro choices that you make under pressure because that makes a difference, especially when you're being tested, if you will, that once, when you're staying a steady path under those little, um, challenges that you might face, especially like I was talking about last week, when just as you start to make some changes and shift your.

Your vibrational energy and raise your frequency, usually as you're getting ready to sort of ascend or go to the next level, that's when some challenges will come in for you and it can feel really quote unquote triggering or activating, right? In those times, if you choose to go into a reactive state, a lower frequency state, then you hold yourself back, right?

But if you stay true and have faith in what that what you're doing is quote unquote working, no matter what, you're going to grow out of it. And that instead of being reactive, that you respond when you're ready in a thought out, intentional, mindful way, then it's going to raise your frequency and uplevel you and your physical reality.

Okay? So. When you live in, I'm gonna failure. Life just happens to me. Bad things always happen to me. Your whole system vibrates at that setting, right? It's not just a thought, it's the background hum of your nervous system. So I think it's really important to understand that your brain is going to offer you all kinds of ex excuses, right?

Ways out of whatever thought are actually, uh, core beliefs. Um, and I don't mean core values, I mean core beliefs like what you're operating on. It's going to try to protect like your, your system, your brain, your survival brain and, and your, subconscious. It's going to try to protect those core beliefs at all costs because then it doesn't have to do any work, and it can stay in the state it's in because your body likes to do three things, and I tell you guys this all the time.

It likes to

seek pleasure, avoid pain, and be efficient. Okay? And so your body is going to try to do  all that it can to keep you in survival mode or in a place of non-action, right, of non shifting, not moving to the next frequency or next level in your life. Because it's easier, it's more efficient, it thinks anyway, but it's actually not because it creates all this extra work for you in the long run. 

So just know that a quote unquote innocent thought or just something that occurs to you this, you're gonna try to talk your way out of it.

The Power of Your Thoughts and Beliefs

But really, truly it is the background hum of your nervous system until those thoughts stop occurring to you, or at least are not the dominant thoughts, whatever you're focusing on the most or the most often.

Um, so you really need to, this is something, if you want to change the way that you feel and the way they operate, you wait, that you operate and all the results that you get in your life. It's the beginning portion of this change, this shift into a different reality is going to be, um, emotionally and physically a little bit taxing.

Um,, it's gonna take some diligence. A lot of diligence actually. Um, and you being willing to stay, not just be for a little bit, but be, and stay, um,

extremely aware of what you're thinking on the day-to-day basis, what you're choosing to lean into, what beliefs that you have. And you don't have to go back and list all your old beliefs. I definitely don't want you to do that because that's just gonna reinforce them. But when these beliefs come up, or when you have a, a negative outcome in your life, you're experiencing some friction in your life, that's when you can say,   📍 📍 📍 📍 📍 oh, what am I leaning into?

What do I believe right now? Right? That's an opportunity for you in that moment to say, okay, do I wanna believe that? Where is that coming from? Where do I feel that in my body? Do I like that?   📍 📍 How else could I think. That is in alignment with where we're headed,  back to where I was is once we know that everything is vibrating, right, everything is, is got a vibration vibrational level to it. The next question is,  which other things in your world are resonating with your current state?  

Understanding Resonance and Vibration

📍 📍 📍 📍 So now this is, now we're in segment, probably three I think. We're talking about now resonance,  📍 📍

Resonance is when two things start vibrating at the same speed.  

If you strike, you know what a tuning fork is. If you strike a tuning fork, another tuning fork nearby with the same frequency will start to hum automatically.  when you change your internal vibration through your thoughts and emotions, you begin to resonate with people, events, and experiences that match the same speed as you.  You aren't necessarily creating a new world from scratch.  Rather, you are activating a version of reality that was already there, but which you weren't tuned into yet. 

 

it's the same thing when like, a singer sings right and can shatter a glass, right? Like I always say that I can sing because I cannot sing at all, but if I do sing, it would probably shatter all the glass in whatever area that I'm in because it's not so good, which actually isn't very accurate.

But

it's basically that the energy transfers most strongly where there's a match, 

 

So that's why you, when you're trying to create. From your past, like from the, evidence of your past, right? Like you're trying to do something new, whatever it is. And I always use the example of finances because it's easier and everybody can kind of relate to that.

Personal Stories of Transformation

If, and for me, even in my own personal life, when I was back in Texas and I was broke as a joke.

And if you've listened for a while, you've heard my story about that, and I was a starving artist living in as a hermit in the hill. I there was nothing in my past that said that me alone could create a living for myself financially in a, in a life for myself moving forward, supporting myself, right?

I had pretty much always, I mean, I, there were some times where I made some money, but it didn't always stay. I was, spent it fast, and then I was always broke again. And so that's what I kept creating for myself. And because my past, there was nothing in my past, there was no evidence in my past that showed that I could do it.

Then logically I couldn't make sense of how it would happen for me moving forward.  Right. Also too, because the way that I was, I grew up being, upper middle class, but the beliefs that were instilled in me or what I, however I interpreted them, you know, from a young age was that money was hard to make and that it didn't say and all the things right.

And so in that I needed a man to do it. Because For a long time there I was trying to make sense out of me creating money in the future based on what I didn't create in the past. It was really hard for things to sync up for me, and so I kept lowering my frequency or keeping my frequency at, at the same level.

I never ended up creating money from that. I had to be like talking, calling back from last week. Now, I had to be so audacious and delusional enough to believe that it was possible for me to create something new for myself from scratch. Okay.

Even though I'd never done it before. And so it's basically the same thing here.

Shifting Your Frequency and Mindset

, Me, operating at a different and resonating with a different vibration, a different reality for myself seemed. crrrraaazy   📍 📍 📍 📍 it was hard for me to believe, it was hard for me to, to see how it worked. So I had to throw out all logic, all of it, all of my left brain thinking.

I had to let it go. And not worry about the how. You know, I've talked about before with you guys. Like, don't worry about how, just know that you could do it. Set your goal, and then whatever that goal is, you will figure it out on the way. This is what I'm talking about here, because if you try to figure out and reason your way through to how you're going to do something or how you're going to heal or get through this without your kids, right?

This is a big one for you guys, especially over the holidays, is that I don't know how I'm gonna make it without my kids. My life will never be the same or will never be good again. Because the only time it was good, that happiest time of my life was when I was with my kids and when my kids were little and I, they needed me and all the things.

And so if you are still leaning into those beliefs, and those beliefs alone, right? You're never gonna be able to create anything new for yourself because you've already deemed it. Again, not just neuroscience wise, like because of confirmation bias, but because you will never change your vibration and your frequency to start activating the things outside of you that were already there. That's why like, um, you know, like supernatural, like people think about like, woo, do, do, do, and I get kind of freaked out when I think about.

Afterlife and stuff like that, right. And I'm not, I don't wanna make this a whole woo thing, but it's not necessarily that anything is supernatural. It's all natural, those kinds of things that occur. It's just that we call it the supernatural, because we can't fathom how that could be a true reality in today's world, right?

Like in a different dimension. But it's, science has proved that it's absolutely possible. And in fact, happening right now as we speak, that there are different realities, like different dimensions of reality that we can shift to anytime we want. We just have to tune into that station, like it's happening parallel to what's happening right now.

Okay? So you just actually have to be brave enough and, um. Kind of crazy enough, like faithful enough, have the faith to switch the station and tune into the new reality.  you have to activate in order to get somewhere different than what you've created in your past.

You have to activate a version of reality that you don't believe is a reality right now, is what I'm saying.  

Practical Steps to Shift Your Vibration

your personal vibration acts like a lens or a filter.   📍 📍 📍 📍 Your low vibe filter is you walk into a room and you notice only the person who looks grumpy, right? Or you open an email and you notice only the one, the one that stands out to you as the evil one from the x.

 The high Vibe filter, you walk into the same room and you notice a friend you haven't seen in years or the high vibe filter as far as the email is concerned, is you open your email and you see all of these lovely emails from all of the people and all of these different opportunities, even from the X.

That's the high vibe filter.  While the room itself, or the emails themselves didn't change,  the physical reality you experienced was different because the energy activated a different outcome.   the physical reality that you experience changes based on

which vibe filter you put on. It actually can change the opportunities that come into your life seemingly out of nowhere because you have shifted over and sort of jumped onto a new timeline. I know this might sound a little woo for some of you out there, but I I don't know the downside to leaning into this.

There isn't a downside if you ask me to, leaning into a possibilities filter for you, like an open end infinite possibilities filter that you can put on for yourself. the downside to not doing it though, like what you could risk losing by not doing it. Ask yourself that question, but I'm always wanna be opening myself up to all the possibilities daring to believe that anything is possible for me.

And so if you're at the place right now where you think that this is crazy, and of course I can't create anything more than what I've already created, then fine, you can stay there. But I don't know that you wanna keep creating the same outcome that you are. So why not? it's possible. And it's also proven, scientifically proven that this is a thing, whatever vibrational speed that you're on, you create opportunities and a reality based on that. Okay? So if you're thinking and believing and living in a low vibrational state, you're going to have opportunities or situations that match that. And if you're thinking at a high vibrational state, then you're obviously going to have all these different kinds of opportunities and solutions and outcomes that are come right up before you.

And you didn't, you never even knew that it was, it's gonna seemingly come out of nowhere. You know, I have, um, well, lots of clients like this and myself included, but I had a client a while back that all the bad things kept happening to him. All of them.

And he also carried with him this idea that he was a victim admittedly,  I remember believing this about myself too, that I was like the sacrificial lamb. I really, truly believed it. It was like I was serious about it. 

But anyway, um, the, the client that I'm talking about right now, he truly believed that all the bad things happen to him no matter what. Even when he's acting his best and he's doing all the best things for the people around him, and he really showed up and he's a good parent and loves his kiddos dearly, right?

And shows it, but for whatever reason, everything bad happens to him. . He was getting crazy accusations thrown at him, not just from the alienating parent from other people too, like out of the blue whack job. Crazy, uh, allegations and accusations being thrown at him. He also got robbed a couple times in a row and got his car and all of these bad things, even while we were in the beginning of our, coaching happening to him, at him against him.

And he truly believed that he was just bad, bad luck that he was cursed, and then he changed what he believed about himself and how the world worked for him. And guess what? Those things stopped happening because his vibration went from low to high. Job offers, uh, significant other a like a great want match.

Perfect match for him. Showed up out of the blue. It was like a friend of a friend and that the significant other, now significant other, lived in another country was a by chance meeting. It just didn't even make sense how their paths would've crossed and it was all because he changed what he believed about himself.

It wasn't that he was like, I need a relationship to fix me. I need the best job in the world. I need for, to have people that love me surrounding me. He didn't think those things. He just changed what he believed to be true for him. And then he leaned in. I had him live according to what he wanted for himself.

That was the one thing is like, don't idolize and put up on a pedestal. The things, the goals that you have for you. No, just align yourself up. The person that achieves those things, it's all about what you're not only focusing on, but also really aligning yourself with like, what does that person, like I was talking about last week and I've talked about a million times over, what does that person, how does that person behave?

Who do they hang out with? What do they listen to? What don't they listen? What are their habits? All of that matters because when you align yourself with the new version of you, the next version of you, like truly get on track with what that person does, what their routines are, everything, what they're surrounding themselves with, then you've changed, like sort of shifted over into an entirely different, um, reality for yourself before even all the good things start happening.

So what I'm saying here is that. If I'm gonna simplify all of this, your vibrational energy activates different realities by changing what you were aligned with. Like I was just saying, by shifting your internal state, your thoughts and your feelings.

You change the station. You  are broadcasting, which determines which signals or experiences you can receive. Okay. Science tells us that everything is a vibration. Fields, particles, atoms. Even the activity of your own brain and heart frequencies aren't just a new age idea. When I say new age, like I wrote it and then I'm saying it out loud and it just sounds, I don't know, so like nineties or something.

They're built into how the physical world works. Some frequencies resonate and amplify each other and some just pass through without much impact. When I talk about raising your frequency, I'm not saying that you magically order a new life from the universe, like Amazon. I'm saying that your emotional and energetic state is a real pattern in your body that tends to resonate with certain kinds of experiences.

A state of chronic fear, shame, and victimhood will keep you lighting up situations that fit that pattern. A state of grounded self-respect. Um, a state of grounded self-respect, grief plus self-advocate, self-advocacy, I can't say that today, um, will tend to light up very different opportunities and behaviors.

You are not to blame for what's happened to you, happened for you, but you are powerful, truly powerful in how you vibrate now, how you breathe, how you think, how you speak to yourself and move, These vibrations are constantly interacting with the physical world, with our nervous systems and with the choices you see as available for you.

That is what it means to raise your frequency, to become a different kind of signal in a universe made of signals.

Final Thoughts and Upcoming Opportunities

As we wrap up today, notice where your mind wants to go next. We've talked about the illusion of separation, how your connection to your child and, possibility is not erased just because there's distance or silence.

We've also talked about your family as a kind of emotional forest with an underground mycelium of stories, nervous system patterns, and inherited pain and love. , We've talked about vibration resonance and activation. How the state that you live in trains your brain to notice certain things, to repeat certain choices, and to keep creating the same reality, or to begin creating a different new one.

None of this means that you were to blame for what has happened to you. It just means that you are powerful in what you do with the life that is in front of you right now. So here are three questions that you can carry with you this week. First,   📍 📍 what am I actually vibrating? Not what I wish I felt, but what is the real state I spend most of my time in? So for example, fear, shame, curiosity, fascination, numbness, quiet steadiness, cautiousness, excitement,

overwhelm, hope, and all the other emotions. Okay. Um, there's look up online if you want to, you can look up a complete emotions list and I've got one on my website. I probably should put that. Um, maybe I'll put a link for that below too. Um, and it's a, it's an exhaustive list and some of them now I look back on that and you know why I haven't actually, I was, um, think about redoing it, but the reason I haven't put it on one of the main pages is because I need to go through it again, because I think that some of the emotions that are on there are actually perceptions or judgments of what is happening, like assessments, so I really need, as opposed to emotions.

But anyway, um, the second question is,   📍 📍 📍 what does that state the, from the first question tend to resonate with? Okay. What kinds of people, conversations, headlines and memories does my brain keep highlighting as proof of my story? basically why is it that I'm here in whatever vibrational state that you're in?

Don't spend so much time if it's, you see right now that your vibrational state is lower than you'd like it to be. I don't want you to spend forever on this question. Like, oh, this is why I'm here. It's be, I'm here because of my family life.

I'm here because of alienation. Don't, don't, because you're just going to reinforce by repeating the story that got you here in the first place. Just, just become aware. And then how can I choose differently? How could I see this like I always offer, okay?   📍 📍 And the third question is, what am I unconsciously activating over and over because of that?

What patterns am I helping to make real without even realizing it? ,  📍 📍 📍 Let me add a fourth question. Where do I want to be? Sort of like the question last week I believe I post for you guys is what emotions, when you're stepping into the new you, which are the top three emotions that you want to feel?

Look at if I'm unconsciously activating over and over a certain vibration now, a lower vibration. Now what do I wanna create and what would that look like for me? How would I feel?

What emotions would I feel likely if I was at in, in a higher vibrational state? 

Okay. Alright. If you wanna shift your frequency, don't start by forcing yourself to think positive. This is where toxic positivity comes in. I was just talking about this, um, with one of my clients recently. Start with honesty. Name the state you're in. Give your nervous system some compassion, and then choose one tiny action that matches a truer, newer identity.

Okay? And so when I say give yourself your system some compassion, what I mean is whatever you give emotion to, whether it's negative or positive, you're going to make that. If you really lean into that emotion, and again, start to resist the lower frequency. When you're resisting the fact that you're in that state, like, man, I just hate it that I'm in this state.

I wish I was there and I can't because of all the shit that's happened in my life. Well, guess what? Whatever you resist persists, right? Whatever emotion you're and story, you're giving energy, well, you're gonna keep that going. So I'm not saying that you wanna give your nervous system some compassion and go, wo was me and I know that you know that, but I feel like I just need to say that anyway.

And then choose an action or maybe a series of actions that matches the truer identity. How do I wanna feel and how do I wanna be and what would the that that version of me like? Go if you can. Sometimes it's not available to you just yet because you've got some blocks, but if you could go into the future version of you that is at the vibration that you wanna be at, the frequency that you wanna be at, ask them for some wisdom.

And I know that sounds a little crazy, but it really a lot of times can work because then you will activate and step into the energy side of you. The wisdom side of you that's already been up there, which obviously you haven't yet. Coming from well, I don't know how, trying to figure it out with your left brain, you know?

So, but if you say, oh, that's the version that's already got it, it's already there in that frequency and is already living the life that I'm headed towards. What did they do? How did they behave and what did they say to themselves on the every day and what was their schedule and all the things, you know.

So you really wanna, that's what you wanna be leaning into is if you can access the wisdom of you from that version of you, that's already at that frequency. Okay. Um,

just know too that. Your job is not to single-handedly fix the whole forest, right? Your job is to tend to the soil, like I said earlier, around your own roots, to clean up the vibration you're living in currently, and to trust that those shifts that you make matter, okay, and not be, they don't matter. Only when your kids respond in the way that you really want them to.

Don't put that on a pedestal. Choose how you wanna show up and what that looks like for you on the everyday, and then choose to believe that whatever that is, that matters because it's tending to you. I've told you guys the story about how I used to, uh, I lived back at, when I was in the house in the hill and I was a mess.

And I just wasn't barely showering like once a week if I was lucky, you know, because I told myself and I left my house a total mess and I was disheveled and I was just because it didn't matter. Because I didn't care about me. And I was like, it's only me. Who cares? Well, you know what? I look back at that version of me,

, i wanna care today how my house is because it's me that's living in it, you know, of above anybody else. And even my kid. And I know that sounds crazy 'cause I never, for me anyway, 'cause I never used to think like that. But I wanted to do everything for my kid first.

And I still, I mean, sh here, not here. I, I always wanna do things for her, but if I don't tend to me first, then nothing else is, you know? It always matters if you're bettering. Your experience, okay? It's not selfish to think that way. In fact, it's so backwards to think the other way that you should put everybody else before you. 

No, don't do that because it only creates a really icky pattern for you. And then you pass that down intergenerationally. You know? And so if you wanna stop the cycle, then it starts with you. And so yeah, it all matters. Okay?  So what I was saying is that your shifts matter because they change what moves through the network from you, what you pass along through the soil, through the roots, and what becomes possible too.

For you in your world. And maybe that also includes. What's possible for you and your kid kids, okay.  Not, maybe that's a definite. When you change the way that you're tending to your own soil, your own nourishment, the messaging that you send back underground through the roof, through the air energetically is going to shift.

Whether they shift right along in line with you or not, probably not, but I promise you it's going to change the opportunities that you both are, uh, presented in time. 

So if this episode stirred in something in you, let that be information, not judgment on you. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. If you ask me. And where you've come from is probably, I'm gonna say for me anyway,  this is exactly what I needed to go through to get to this version of me, like where the magic began. And now you guys, I you, it will, so long as you're not putting your the future outcomes up on a pedestal.

And putting how, how your kids respond or react.  I was just talking to one of my clients this morning about that she wanted to go buy her, um, son's house, you know, sometime before or after Christmas, and just to invite him out to lunch or dinner, but then she was so scared that he would react poorly and yell at her or something.

And so she didn't wanna go. And I was like, Hey, but you're putting that on a pedestal and you're focusing on that, so it's gonna screw you up even if whatever happens there, you all you're thinking about is some outcome and not how you wanna show up. You go and you focus for her. What I was telling her is you focus on how you wanna show up and you just do that. And my objective here is just to go show up in an and extend an invite and it could take all of 60 seconds and turn around and , walk away.

Kind of like leave them, wanting more. Same thing here. Just extend the invite and walk away. It's okay. I mean, you know, quarterly. Anyway.

 You don't have to live with the same reality for the rest of your life. Not if you don't want to.  You. It's up to you though, we all want a roadmap, but right now it's up to you to decide.  I can give you the roadmap. That's why I was just gonna argue with myself.

I've got the roadmap for you, but you got to decide.  That just reminded me. I'm going to tell you guys something. So thank you for spending this time with me. You're not alone in this forest, even when it feels that way. Okay, so I was gonna say too, I meant to tell you this, um, last week, is that if you have been wanting to level up and you really would like some.

Guidance then right now is a good time to sign up for one-on-one with me or to like to apply. So you basically, we go, we have a clarity call and then we talk. But I'm gonna be leveling up in my own life. So I'm gonna be doing this work alongside you, but also my rates are going up. I'm gonna make it start. I was gonna have it start on January 1st, but now that I forgot to announce it last week and the week before, um, I'm gonna make it start on January 20th.

Okay? And the reason I'm doing that is, my platform and some other of the things that I, the services that I use in order to serve you guys, all their rates are going up, so my rate has to go up as well. But also basically I want to serve you the best that I can and level you up, but also level me up too. And that's going to take a little bit more money on both sides. So I'm gonna be, my whole point of that is my rates are going up. I'm gonna set it for January 20th. Until then, I'm still under the, the current rates.

So if you want to, if you've been thinking about getting, uh, one-on-one coaching, you know, level up your life and you want some guidance through that, I've got you. I'm actually getting ready to start a couple different new programs too. Um, so if you've ever been considering wanting to coach or help other alienated parents, I've also got a one-on-one program that I'm developing now for that, for you, so that you can help other parents, basically do what I do.

And so I'll be walking you through that in that program, okay? You, if you want more information about that, just set up a clarity call with me and I can walk you through all that information. I'm not gonna give that out to everybody that if you don't need it, so. Um, there's that. So rates go up January 20th before then rates stay where they are.

And soon I'll be doing basically coach training. But it has to start with you. I can't just, I, I, maybe I could, but I won't just coach you without, I won't just coach you to coach others without having you do the work yourself too.

Okay? So that's that. Alright, I will see you guys. Listen, if you celebrate Christmas, Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas. Hanukkah we're, I don't know the dates on that stuff, but happy Hanukkah if that's you. Uh, boxing Day. Do you say Happy Boxing Day? I think all the holidays that are around now. Happy holidays.

That's what I should have just said in the beginning.

Happy holidays. 

okay, you guys have a lovely, lovely week and I will see you next week. Take care.

 Thanks so much for listening today. If you like what you're hearing and you'd like to hear more, please make sure to click subscribe wherever you're listening or watching. Also, for bite-sized clips and tips, be sure to find me on TikTok or Instagram. See you next week.

 

 

00:00 Introduction to Beyond The High Road Podcast

00:35 Recap and Building on Last Week's Topic

01:12 Quantum Entanglement and the Illusion of Separation

02:48 Mycelium Network Metaphor: Connectedness

05:38 Quantum Entanglement Revisited

06:18 The Mycelium Network in Detail

11:08 Family Systems and Emotional Climate

23:09 The Science of Frequency and Vibration

29:38 Understanding the Impact of Thoughts on Your Nervous System

30:19 Diligence, Awareness, Resonance and Vibrational Alignment

34:58 Shifting Your Frequency and Beliefs After Alienation 

37:42 The Power of Vibrational Energy

40:23 Client Success Stories and Changing Beliefs

48:58 Practical Steps to Shift Your Frequency

54:04 Final Thoughts and Upcoming Opportunities